10 going on 22

It's true. I have gone back to fourth grade to relive. I now have bangs. Don't know what to do with them quite yet but the bangs have won.

Merry Christmas!

This one is for you...

Batman- "Line of the Night" awarded to Scotty Potty

"That very event traumitized him for the rest of his life and caused him to dress like a bat."

Sad and funny all at the same time.

Anna-an inspired writer and lovely sister poo

"Right before I got out of dance tonight, the snowstorm stopped. I was driving on Pepperwood Drive on the way to my house when I realized what a beautiful thing snow is. You have to endure through this horrible cold flurries of snow throwing themselves at you..but the end result is well worth it. Everything was covered in white, and so were the roads. It was just all white. Put the white with the white (and accents of colored) christmas lights and there was a picture perfect winter snowscape. I was in complete awe of my surroundings. I turned the music off and rolled down my window and breathed the chilled refreshing air as I listened to the silence outside. "


--I was checking up on my sisters little journal of hers online and came across this. I love it. She is awesome and amazing, acrobatic, able, animalistic, artistic, apple eater, annoying (in a good way), adventureous, available, a-hottie... ha ha (Get it- "A" words... for "A"nna) I love you Anna Banana. -Soda, soda, banana- :)

I once was lost, but now i'm found...

If I could only do one thing- It would be to love my family and love them fully. I always have these moments or realizations when I focus sometimes on "unreal" ideas or trivial things too much and little prayers are answered with what really matters. With my family I am happy. Its simple. The look my nieces give my when I tuck them in bed. The "I love you's", the jokes, the moments. If heaven is even the slightest bit like it is when I am with my family... that is all I need.

It's Official

Taylor Mae = Poop in my bed

Bono...

How can you not cry when in the presence of this man?! It's impossible. The concert was amazing! I sprained my ankle, sang my heart out, danced like a fool, and cried like a baby. Good tunes, good company, good times!

Just Got Home. Finals are done.

It's so strange how things change with in a year. How you have grown and learned. I am still amazed that it has already been a year. A year! It doesn't seem that it has been that long! This time last year I was goofing with my family,wearing a fijian outfit, waiting. Things this time around are completely different. It's weird. I am not sure I like it right now. In time, hopefully(tomorrow), my perspective will have changed. :)

For now- off to watch a Christmas movie with mi madre y hermana

From the Heart

So this year I decided to do all my gifts for my family the old fashioned way and make them all. Very creative huh? *wink wink* I think it means more...for me at least, because I am putting alot more effort into it. I can't seem to finish one item for Anna's gift though (which I would write about but can't considering that she reads this). Its a bit frustrating at times because I wish more artsy but I love making it all though. Crafts are great! :) There is pleasure in giving someone something that you made for them especially. Made with a whole lot of love! Merry Homemade Christmas! I love you.

Fresh Air

As I sat in the back of an old Toyota truck I stared out the back window watching the snow twirl and spin like fog/mist being disturbed, having a hand rush through it. I love that. Its one of my favorite things about winter and fall- when the snow and leaves spiral in the gust.
As I looked out the window I felt I had been there before. Not that I literally had been there but felt so familiar with it all. I felt that is where I loved to be. With the suns' warm glaze on my face. I felt comfortable…
Like a long awaited exhale.
Enjoying the moment I blinked and realized we would keep on going.
Wait! Stop! I want to stay here!...
I watched as that place of so much familiar-ness escaped my view trailing along with it, a snow covered road. I guess at that point I realized that where I had been was a wonderful place but I can’t control that the scenery has now changed. So I accept it.

Three Amigos!

"I suppose you could say that everyone has an El Guapo. For some, shyness may be an El Guapo. For others, lack of education may be an El Guapo. But for us, El Guapo is a large ugly man who wants to kill us!"

May ye all conquer your El Guapos! :)

Christmas Devotional 2005

I couldn't help but think to myself- Am I serving as I should? I mean do I serve as selflessly as I could? Around this wonderful Christmas time the spirit of service is so prevelant and recognized where as, throughout the whole rest of the year it isn't always so outspoken. Service goes on yes, but it seems that the spirit of it all is different. I thought about how, as a Social Worker, I help through service through out the whole year but how much do I really help with that self same "spirit of service" that is around the Holidays? I am determined to push myself to serve with that same spirit, that same intent that I would then- NOW.

Also- As Pres. Hinckley talked and read from 3rd Nephi... It reminded me of our "Tour Theme"- One By One. One by one we will know of a surety that it is He. I am thankful for the challenge that we have been given to read the Book Of Mormon with in the year. I am thankful for the Knowledge, Guidance, Comfort that it has given me to read the words on those pages. As I really focused on what it was teaching me, life situations where clearer and understood more. It helped me to forgive. It helped me to let go. It helped me, ultimately, to realize that I need to give myself to God. Do all I can and look to him. I am thankful for all that I have learned with in this past year.

This devotional was amazing to me! It hit the spot and the Music was moving! Christmas time here we come! :)

Intern = Me

What gets me really excited lately is thinking about my internship. I just had an interview for it this past Friday and all I can really say- is that I left with a huge smile on my face! I literally screamed in my car as I backed out of the parking lot to drive home due to the excitement that I felt. I have a feeling this internship is going to teach me a lot. I am going to be working with individuals such as- boys and girls, the mentally ill, sex offenders/predators, drug and alcohol addicts. Basically Juvenile Delinquents! Its going to be great! The place of residence for all these fine people is called the JCC (the Juvenile Corrections Center). As I talked with my boss he asked me why I wanted to go into Social Work.... My reply was simple- Doesn't Everyone!... I am so excited and so scared and so happy with the choice I have made to become a Social Worker. There is sooooooooooooo much to do and help with. That is what I am looking foward to!

Wrinkles with Love

I love Frank Sinatra! I, a couple of years ago, sat Nancy down and made her listen to Frankie with me saying that one day when she was old and crumpled... She would dance with her husband to this song in their kitchen as he sang it softly into her ear. Needless to say Nancy now loves that song. :) Hopefully everyone can experience that in their own kitchens when they are crumpled cute.

"If I don't see her each day, I miss her
Gee, what a thrill each time I kiss her
Believe me, I've got a case
On Nancy, with the laughin' face

She takes the winter and she makes it summer
And summer could take a few lessons from her
Picture a tomboy in lace
That's Nancy with the laughin' face

Did you ever hear mission bells ringing?
Well, she'll give you the very same glow
When she speaks you would think it was singing
Just hear her say "hello"

I swear to goodness, you can't resist her
Sorry for you, she has no sister
No angel could replace
Nancy, with the laughin' face"
-Frank Sinatra

... it was written for his daughter, Nancy, when she was a baby...

And then there was just you...

Traditions!

I am so thankful for all the wonderful traditions my family has for celebrating certain events, holidays, experiences. Today we are heading down to one of my all time favorite traditions. Every year, the day after Thanksgiving, the whole side of my moms family drives down to Manti. We stay is some little motel and eat nasty restaurant food. It is awesome! We all today... go to the Manti Temple (my all time favorite) and get to do baptisms for the dead for our family members. I can't explain it, but being in the temple with more than 50 people from your family, all dressed in white, having your family members baptise you... man... it brings tears to my eyes. As a child I would hate going down. Since it always happened to be over my birthday weekend I felt I never really got to spend any time doing what I wanted to do. I laugh at that now because this is the one thing I really do want to do now! -Saturday we will spend the day searching for a perfect little, humble Christmas tree to decorate for our home. What a tradition! I love my family. I am so thankful.

Thankful

Skipbo

Grandma says, "You know, good luck with cards means bad luck with love."
Me- "I agree completely."

I kicked everyones trash.

Pride and Prejudice

In between the gobbling (no pun intended... ha) up of our thanks my family went to the movies. I really enjoyed this one. Probably because I so often imagine myself wanting to be in a scenario like that. Live like that, talk like that... ha. Its a fairytale. Ya know... the ones you wish would happen to you now. Sure it might be full of fluff but why not! Why not imagine that things will turn out just like a fairy tale? And as much as I know that it might not happen like that for me. I really wish I had a Mr. Darcy who would call me his.

"Looking around at the crumpled snot filled kleenex's covering my bed and floor, thinking, why in the hell am I still here?"

-Anonymous

(I know... graphic wording for me. I apologize)

Do you want me to tell you that I can’t concentrate? That I cry everytime I am alone? That I can’t believe that you really don’t want to do something to prove what you say? That I can’t let go? That I feel hurt and depressed. Why? Because Cody. I loved you. Have you ever felt that burst in your chest where it feels like you can’t move. I have. The other day I felt it before I had class and tried to ignore it. It burst. My heart broke literally. Didn’t think I was so emotionally attached did you? Didn’t think that even after 9 months of nothing I would still feel this way… I am not whole. I am incomplete. I am undone. I am unsung and completely colorblind. I want to take a hand and build a tower in the sky. You once said that you know. But now I think you said it just because you are one of those hopeless romantics. I believed it you know. I took every word you said and swallowed it whole. “Some day he will know… some day we will be together and our hands will meet”. But as my heart broke yesterday and crumpled, it felt as though you had died. I realized that even if I couldn’t have you to love forever I can’t even have you as a friend. I wrote in my journal at a seminar years and years ago that I was scared I would never realize the person I loved because of how I fear. How I questioned. I prayed every night to know. I wet my pillow with my tears and finally in January I realized… and you were gone. I did exactly what I feared. I feel like I have lost everything and the death of you is something I knew would be painful. I don’t know how to get closure from this Cody. Because to me my feelings won’t change. But I will not be taken for words. I will not thrive on hope that maybe you will feel the same. You don’t know. You do nothing. Nothing is something. I know how you are when you want something bad enough. You have a passion to do things. You once showed that to me. And now that you don’t it answers what I wished wasn’t. Maybe I hurt you too bad. I can’t help but think that this was all my fault. As I drove to your house in Spokane. Nate told me of how your mother told me not to break your heart. I never had any intention of doing so. I would never want to do that. And it pains me to know that I did in some way or another. People tell me that we are great people, just not together. And to tell you the truth that only dug the dagger deeper. Maybe its true cody. Maybe I am blind to what I should see. Why can’t I just get over it? Why do I think that what others say isn’t true? Its because I love you.

its not always what it seems

Woke up this morning...

The cold air stung my cheeks, and I shoved my hands deeper into my jacket. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the snow sparkle in the sunlight. I looked up and noticed that the sky was a deep, clear blue. The trees stood tall and strong along the road. Suddenly I was amazed by the incredible beauty of the day. I looked around for someone to share it with, but none of my neighbors were in their yards enjoying the weather. In fact, the street was empty.

It wasn’t a wonderful summer morning or a crisp fall afternoon or even a quiet winter night, but this day was beautiful in its own way. And I began to understand about beauty.

Why Not Beautiful? Diane L. Mangum

Lately one of my favorite things to do is after classes are over and I have to cram in the computer lab I love to turn on some good tunes and google my project. Great tunes, new info, and nothing else to distract me. I like it even better when I walk home late at night and it is dark just listening to the music running through my ear phones and playing in the fallen leaves dispersed all over campus. I love that. Oh wait! get this- At night, sweet wind is blowing, bundled up in a bunch of coats- sweaters- hats- whatever, Listening to good tunes, walking in yellow leaves (but some are, of course, swirling around you due to the wind.) Man that is just a perma smile right there. Gotta love it!

If I could give this to just one person...

Despite the confusion, unknown, hard words/hard experiences, heart break, death, indecisiveness, tears-- I have never felt happier. Right here! Right now! Wierd to say sorta... I look at all these emotionally intense struggling experiences I have had in my life and still can sit here and say that I am happy? It feels like it is imbedded into the core of me. (Sorta feels like the effects of my blushing rash, but is constantly there!) I hope everyone knows they can feel like that too.

How wonderfully splendid.

Barefoot, Carefree Orphan

Last night Brittany and I were on my bed talking to Shalie about her boyfriend. She pulled out this little chapstick container she had. It fell on the bed so of course I picked it up and took a sniff. It smelt like watermelon. Shalie said it took her back to last winter. She made me smell it again.... She said, "I don't know. When I put this on it just takes me back to last winter, American Manor E1 and all of it."

What would it be like if we had items where we could put it on and all of a sudden the memory is staring us right in the face just like it was real once again? Rushing us with all those feelings, thoughts, ideas...

I think I don't need things to do that sometimes with certain instances. They seem so real to me and so up front in my memory that they feel like I had just experienced them for the first time. I am good with certain memories... I guess the ones that really affected me on a level. I remember the clothes, the smell, the looks, the things said, the feeling, sometimes the day, sometimes the time, the lighting... all in all the memory.

I sometimes think it is a wonderful thing to have. To be able to just think of an instance and remember it so clearly. But on the other hand its horrible.

Sometimes I wish I could just get amnesia and forget all the things I don't want to remember.
Sometimes I think that would be better. But then again I know it wouldn't just because- you learn something from everything... even if nothing.

Without all my experiences and memories- wanted and not wanted, I would not be the same.

Once instance I would want to go back to would be when I was about eleven. Wandering in the strange trees behind my house and in the gully. It seemed so adventurous and scary. I would often pretend I was an indian or a run away orphan where I would have to live off the land to survive.

One day in particular I was playing my role as usual when I came across a curious tree. I was barefoot, had grass stains on my left knee and hadn't brushed my hair for at least a couple of days. As I saw this tree I squinted- It looked like a magical tree... a moving tree. As I got closer to the tree I found hundreds, even millions, it seemed like of caterpillars! I love caterpillars. So curious I was that I grabbed a few with my little krumpled hands and examined them. I named those few but quickly decided to take the names back so the others wouldn't feel bad. And from that day forth I would go back to my secret home in the forest and talk with my squirmy friends.

It was a fun time. It was a magical time.

I remember coming back the next year... expecting my friends to all be there once again to find- nothing. But everytime I saw a butterfly after, I was sure it was one of my friends with no name.

Undone. Unsung. Colorblind.

Rain

There is just something about rain that I LOVE!!! I seriously think people find me too wierd to describe sometimes because when it rains I don't know what happens... I get all giddy and smile from ear to ear. I prefer not to wear jackets and just let the rain seep in. I love it when your face and head gets so wet that the water accumulates around your brow and the water droplets drip off your chin. I don't know why I like it so much but I do. It made my day even that much better. So as the bells of the clock struck one today, on campus, I walked happily on my way with no jacket and water all over. Lets not even get started on how wonderful and refreshing the smell is as well. I don't know but I LOVE RAIN!!!! maybe too much could get a little depressing but as of right now I say, "Bring it on!" So if it is raining in any area you are in... Go play and laugh and smile and soak the wetness in. But if your not such a big "getting wet" fan- sit by the window and watch it fall. That is always great too.

Stall #2

Ever wonder why you pick a certain bathroom stall? I usually pick the second one in. I don't know why though.

Today I went in to use the bathroom and found my stall occupied. I didn't know what to do. I thought about going in the one next to it but thought maybe it was to close to the visitor, of my stall, next door. So I went two over. Why? No clue.

We are creatures of habit I suppose. We like comfort. Its like at church- those families that have a specific row they sit on every week.

You know what? I am going to change the comfort level... try a new stall.... sit where someone usually sits.... Change isn't bad. People just want to be comfortable.

I think its time everyone gets comfortable with uncomfortable.

....Then uncomfortable wouldn't be at all.

Demolition Derby Madness!

Just some funness in St. Anthony. Thats Brittany, Wendy, Me and Kyle. And if you didn't notice in the car mess picture- number 86 was named Nate. He caused the wreck. And That is Amy and me. She almost made me pee my pants the other night. What great fun!

Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul And sings the tune without the words And never stops at all.

--Emily Dickenson

Ten Bucks says you're not as cool as my Sis!

Enough said...

Thankful

What do you say? I mean really? Some thoughts are meshed into my head and well I don't really know how to get them out in a way that everyone would understand. I guess I am just thankful. I am thankful for friends who truly understand me, who don't care if I am "boring". Who accept me and all the stupid silly quirks that are embedded in me. I am thankful. I am thankful that I am able to attend a college. I am thankful to be able to always know I can talk to someone if I need too. I am thankful for a family that loves me. Who with out I probably would be lost. I am thankful for the truthfulness of this wonderful Gospel. I am thankful for missionaries and what they do and stand for. I am thankful for people who care, for grass that grows, for winds that talk, and for the wonders that make them selves apparent at the just the right time. I don't know what to really say... What do you say? Thank you? That just doesn't even give it justice to how I feel...

I lifted my back... because it hurt so bad.
Is it a belly belt?
I didn't know if you were a boy...
Chalupa!!!
What are those ladies doing? Are they harvesting?
My feet reek... sorry
urine and Kate match today
young...shy...oh me oh my
I really like your soap! It reminds me of my Grandma.
Lets see if she has make out face.
I will never never never write a song about...

Wow... I mean really... I really can't express how great church was today. I tried to sleep on my deck for the past two nights but friday- it was raining and last night I attempted but after hours and hours of wind filling my sleeping bag I moved into the family room. One thing I do remember was waking up last night and seeing the night sky perfectly. I could have stayed up all night just staring. I woke up, now in my family room, to my grandma who was going to church with the fam. It was a pleasant surprise. I actually ended up going to the singles ward to see Paul and Josh but ended up only staying for two hours and then driving up the canyon for that last hour. I know that I am super dramatic at times but I felt like I needed that drive. It was something I always used to do to think. I couldn't help but smile. Well- as I was driving up, there was an accident. This poor little squirrel was caught between me and the side of the road that he wanted to be on... so I put on my brakes to let him run across. I think though that this only confused the poor thing, considering that because alot of people probably don't stop for his friends, why would I. Well I thought he made it across and I went to preceed on my way when- SMACK.... I felt a bump and knew what I had just done!!!! I killed my friend. I really felt like that too. I remember its face right before and clasped my hands to my mouth not knowing what to do. I felt horrible. I had to leave the scene. I had done it and couldn't fix it. I felt kinda helpless... I hate that. The rest of the ride went smoothly though... I rolled down the windows and sang my guts out. Later after dinner and play time with the nieces I walked out onto my deck to take in the night moving in. It was windy as ever. I love that. I don't know. Maybe I am crazy but I really think it was talking to me. The wind that is. Just reasurring I guess. -- that sounds so silly. Anyway. I thought it time for a sunday walk and left to watch the storm roll in while doing so. It was great. So beautiful. First the wind talked and now it was the lightnings and thunderings turn to take a shot. So some would say that it was a dark and stormy night but well.... what a beautiful, dark and stormy night! I brought a jacket expecting some rain and got what I wanted. I love the rain!!!! I love the smell of it, the feel of it... everything! I couldn't wear my flip flops any longer and so I went barefoot. I plucked two sunflowers for my sister since we did celebrate her 16th birthday today and headed home. The rain was crazy and as I got home my sister changed to come play but by the time she got out there the rain was ending. Poop. I love my sister. I know I have written soooo much but well I have alot to say and this doesn't go to deep into all that I experienced. I loved it though. I think I will try to sleep on my deck again. Ciao

Welcome Rexburg

Yesterday was one of those days where you just want to be quiet and take it all in. I had a break during one of my classes and instead of staying in the stuffy inside I decided to venture. I didn't know where but needed to escape. I found my place in the gardens. Not by the flowers, or the fountains... but next to the many wonderous apple trees. Apple trees bring back so many memories that I debated if I really wanted to think about them. But being that I loved them I sat, pulled out East of Eden and plucked one little apple out of the tree and began to read. Something about it was so wonderful to me. No one was there and the warm sun was shining bright. (Where I had to take a few minutes just laying on my back and dreaming). Just me.... with a fresh apple and a great book.

School has begun... and I think I am going to like it.

"And just then she wanted to be someone who sits in a pasture with another someone and eats cold ham on potato bread... So they did."

--The Goose Girl, Shannon Hale

Decisions... Little by little!

I write tonight because I have made one of my many unknowns a "known". It still takes me by surprise every time I think about it but also have a reassurance that it is what I need to do. I have decided(yes... decided) not to dance this last year at BYUI. I love to dance. I always will. It has burrowed a place into my heart, but as I was driving to the Temple this morning I knew what needed to be done. Seriously an answer I have been praying for! I am scared in a very thrilling way and who knows... maybe I will not depend on other things so much. Maybe this is the time to really rediscover Kate with out the basics she has always had. A time to learn new things, to try new things, to "see the world" in a different way.

I am not going to write until school starts. I feel like I write and write maybe a little too much. But I am heading up to Oregon so can't anyways. Hope everyone is having a lovely end to a beautiful summer! Love you all.

Love em'

-Raspberries come in many colors besides red: there are also black, purple and gold raspberries.
-Raspberries belong to the genus Rubus, which is a part of the Rose family. Cultivated raspberries have been derived mainly from two species, the wild red raspberry (Rubus ideaus) and black raspberry (Rubus occidentalis). Purple type is a cross between the black and red raspberry, and yellow type is a mutant red raspberry.
-Raspberries are a very healthy food; they are high in fiber and Vitamin C and naturally have no fat, cholesterol or sodium. They are also a good source of iron and folate (which is used especially in treatment of low red blood cells or anemia).
-Raspberries contain a natural substance called ellagic acid, which is an anti-carcinogenic (cancer-preventing) compound.
-Raspberry tea was said to be a cure for dysentery during the Civil War. During outbreaks of dysentery, temporary truces were declared to allow both Union and Confederate soldiers to "go raspberrying" to forgage for raspberries to ward off the disease.
-Raspberries were enjoyed by the ancient Greeks, who believed them to be a cure for diseases of the mouth and throat, as well as a preventative against many ailments, including gout.
-The raspberry leaf was also used as an early hair dye, having been recommended by Culpeper, the English herbalist, to be boiled in a lye solution in order to "maketh the hair black".
-Researchers have known for quite some time that berries contain antioxidants which help to fight cancer causing free radicals. A study at the University of Ohio has found that black berries are the most potent cancer fighting berries of them all, by nearly 40 percent!
-There are over 200 species of raspberries.
-Raspberries can be grown from the Arctic to the equator.

Poetry night with Nancy and Kathleen

My eyes are open and opening still
You close your mouth but still... hear the sound
I'm not pretending
I'm hidden deep
Sunken, shadowed... swallowed whole

Ha ha! I laugh everytime I think about "poetry night." I was on my way back to Kathleens apt. and was talking to her on the phone. I asked her what she was doing and she told me she was writing a poem. I asked her if it was by candle light and she replied saying no. Well I got to her apt. and no lights were on. Just candle light. :) Nancy was there and began to write a poem so I quickly dropped my things wrote for about 30 seconds and that is what came out. ha ha... We all had to read ours outloud and had to explain why we wrote it. It was funny and really really great. I love em!

Inside the cover of A Midsummer Nights Dream

Laura,

A hug when in darkness is the light that makes our path dear and gives strength to take the first step.

CMCM
(Columbian Exchange Student)

Cutie Pa-Tooties

Just another weekend.... Red Castle Lakes

So Long, Farewell

I just want to say goodbye to all.... (all the one peoples who read this really) :) I, sadly, will not be writing in this until a later date due to some adventures that I am forced to attend.... I don't want to. I hate fun. And I hate not here. Goodbye! I will catch you up later on the goodness. Peace.

Sister Nancy Brinton- San Antonio, Texas

Random Pictures.... The Farewell, The Counrty Club, Goodbye Party, After being set apart.... Bye Fancy Nancy! Good Luck on you mission!

Previous Post

Every question I randomly picked -A,B,C, or D. So by chance I got that score. How much of what others get on tests is really by chance or for real. This is just one reason I believe that grades are not everything. Sometimes I think people get "status" for their grades and such but some times that really just doesn't matter.

Free IQ pop up at work...

Congratulations Kate!
Your IQ score is 120

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Inspired Inventor. This means you've got exceptional verbal and mathematical skills, and are very good at brainstorming new ideas. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

Random Phone Conversation today at work

"Nothing in this world is free... even if they say it is"

He isn't meaning our fore fathers fighting for us. He meant money... I don't know. I just find it sad. Happiness doesn't require money. A mothers love doesn't come by money. We have alot that is free with no money included. Unless, that is, my friends our getting paid to be my friends... :)

Ship in my mouth

I was playing "sick" with my nieces yesterday outside on our deck. Faith made me lay down got a blanket, tucked me in and began to observe me. She was prepared with her little mermaid sound book, heart sticky notes, and an imaginatory sick or not sick detector. I asked her what I had. She said, "Kate...oh! You have ship in your mouth!" I kinda thought maybe she was swearing and asked her again to see if I had heard it right... but nope- I have ship in my mouth. I know. I wasn't prepared to here this kind of news. Faith then pointed down to her book and pointed to a ship button which began to make "ship noises" whatever those might be. I moaned and groaned seeming that this is what ship in the mouth feels like and right away Faith put on her "mom" face and took care of me until the sick or not sick detector(which is just faiths hand skimming my face) told me I was alright for then.

I knew something was wrong with me and now Faith has found it. I have ship in my mouth. Its rare really. But don't worry Taylor gave me a heart sticky so hopefully I will fully recover.

Cleaning my room...

-Damien Rice
-four copies of four books I already had
-25 pairs of used dance shoes
- 2 bags of unneeded clothing
- unopened letter, written by me, found to be opened when I turned 18.
-2 garbage bags
-9 photo albums
-2 watches
-7 Journals
-4 unmatched socks
-3 of my fav tshirts found by my little sis (who was also sanitizing her room)
-2 bugs
and
- one voice changer

Some one once said

"If at times you feel like you are in a clothes washer being thrashed and jumbled all about, simply turn off the washing machine, and get out of it."

But what if you think it is worth it to stick it out?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

If you didn't already know... President Hinckley's 95th birthday is tomorrow. I was able to go to his "dress rehearsal" birthday tonight. It was amazing!!!! I mean really wow! I cried. :) Just shows what a man with the Lord can do and how music is such a powerful tool and art form. Can we all just sit back for a second and realize how lucky we are. I mean we are in the presence of great men, great people. There are others all over the world that might not ever get a chance to see them face to face or be in the same proximity as we do. This night not only confirmed once again that Gordon Bitner Hinckley is a man of God, Prophet, Seer and Revelator but that this Gospel and church is also very, VERY true. I am proud that I can say I know this wonderful man. Happy Birthday President Hinckley.

Rachael Yamagata and Ray Lamontagne

Typical

Today in the car with my good friend Paul we were talking about just any average random thing and something he said caught my fancy. :) We are not typical.... No one is. We all are unique. Some people can't see that. I know I have done it in the past and said something like, "You know the typical type of..." But really we are not typical. Typical people are not typical. I like it. I have known it but well realizing for what I do now I like it even more... Its typical.

Lost and Found

What about Hope? ...I miss her.

215

come a little further- why be afraid-
here's the earliest star (have you a wish?)
touch me,
before we perish
(believe that not anything which has ever been invented can spoil this or this instant)
kiss me a little:
the air
darkens and is alive-
o live with me in the fewness of
these colours;
alone who slightly
always are beyond the reach of death

and the English

-- e.e. cummings

Amazing...

This week has just started off super well! Yesterday I got to go boating with some people from work. It was awesome. Even just sitting in a boat and riding around is so worth it to me. I think I like it so much because you feel like you are free, flyin... with the wind on your face and through your hair. I love it. Perma Smile for sure. Then tonight I just went to such an amazing concert! Rachael Yamagata http://www.rachaelyamagata.com/ and Ray LaMontagne http://www.raylamontagne.com/ . It seriously was sooo great! Really deep down and soul-full. I loved it. Will put some pic's up from it but seriously if you have the chance to see them on this tour I totally suggest it. They are great. And since it is only tuesday that is all that I have done. It's rocked. Sometimes you have these moments, well at least I do, where you look around, close your eyes and open them to really see if you are where you think you are. I am. I am here in good ol' Utah. Working and playing and grateful. Good week and good life. The stars have been amazing too. I might just have to find a place to sleep next to them. :) Night

Song #7

Just got home from a good Sunday... Church was what I needed after this week. I don't know why. It just felt good. I then came home, tried to take a nap and ended up going through some things in my room. Next- my grandma and nieces came over to eat. It was scrumptious (the food and the company). Then I left for scripture study. We studied the last three chapters in 2 Nephi. Great chapters, a lot of discussion and insight. Learned part of a song on the piano by Ryan, ate fresh raspberries (which will be apart of my garden when I am old), "played games" with Tommy and Sam. We didn't really play any games... just laughed and goofed off. Then I drove with Cara and talked for a bit. I dropped her off, cranked up a little Natalie Merchant(Tigerlilly CD) and sang with the windows rolled down. Good music...Nice Ride.... I guess she is coming out with a new CD or something. Oh what would it be like to sing amazing like that. But love singing off key or whatever to that goodness. I love it though. I walked in to find cars in the driveway but no one at home. Parents are probably sleeping but everyone else is gone. I felt so awake and there is nobody here to goof off with. So I will type this, get ready for beddy bye, close my eyes and dream. Here, here to Sundays.

Phone Calls

At my job I some days make calls to the clients and answer questions or just confirm info for the retreats. Steve(one of the guys who works here) said, "Have you ever talked with a person that sounds like after you hang up with them they are going to commit suicide?" And yes infact I have. So many interesting people to talk too. Some think you are just trying to sell them something, others love you. Some talk to you about their life story. Some ask you on dates. ha ha. Some seem so happy and relieved that you have called. Others don't speak english. It really is a crack up. I think when you get interesting calls it makes your day even better. It is interesting to be on the other side and be the one calling others. Kinda gives you an apprieciation for it all. Anyways... call me if you want. We can talk about "buisness and stuff" :)

In the name of the Colony!

Well I am off to the wondrous land of Rexburg for this fine fourth of July weekend. It is going to be filled with white water rafting, boating, mtn. biking, fireworks, sushi and more. I don't think anyone really knows, understands, or appreciates all that Idaho can offer until after you have lived there. Every place has it's good things. I bet it is even better in the summertime. Hope all of you have a great Fourth. I proclaim this fourth of July, Independence Day... in the name of the colony! (ha ha...just a little inside joke with my meanest friend! :)) Have fun, be safe, work hard, play hard! Peace out- KATE

Random Typing

Summer has been crazy! I pictured myself in a totally different place in my life than where I am at. Don't get me wrong... where I am is great and beautiful it is just not what I thought it would be like when I pictured it last summer. I work about 8 hours each day with my dad's real estate group doing odds and ends at the office. It's not what I prefer(Outside playing) ha ha... but it pays well and am getting things done. I seem to have all sorts of things to accomplish and never seem to get it all done. But I have narrowed down what I am doing for a while. First I am getting all my pictures organized and then throwing out all the clothes I don't really need. It feels good to get organized. It makes me feel like I have gotten rid of alot of baggage that I held on to for way too long. I am reading and writing and playing of course.
My health has been so so I guess. Something funky is going on though. Both of my Meniscus's are torn apparently in both of my knees, I am having muscle pains in my right shoulder and left leg, my eyelashes keep on falling out(now about three or four times a month) and such... I just feel old in a way. I got aches and pains but nothing to where I wont do what I love. I still hike, bike, climb, swim, just play really. I am thinking the pains will go away and with proper training my knees should heal. Eyelashes? Well I am seeing a doctor about that soon. Life is good. Life is fun.
This past week I was in Calgary, Alberta helping at a real estate investing seminar. On break I was able to go walk around for a bit and loved it. As I walked pass a blues band playing in the open street and seeing random little shops selling their handcrafted things I could not help but love it. It was refreshing. I every now and again get flash backs of walking around random streets like these with very distinct people that I remember. Not that they really did anything too significant but they were there. I like it. It's like a story to me. A movie. But I am the only one that gets to see it. It amazes me how many people there are... All from different places, different backgrounds, lives... It is so interesting. And for one moment I got to step into their world and catch a glimpse of it.
All right I have written alot and boring... Peace out.

Happy Fathers Day!

Fathers Day
Originally uploaded by katet7.

Anne Banane and I got "gourmet" for daddy dearest! He liked it... we liked it...

Eye Bald

Anyone know why somebody's eyelashes would fall out? I have no idea...

Library study

As the shady sun glides across

I looked, I stared, I saw...

I REALIZED

Looking straight into the face of pure escapement and deep understanding

and I asked, "Where am I?"

Searching, analyzing, the hinesight of the innermost me

this being didn't say a word... Silence.

But looking deep with in it's endless sight I felt and knew.

Wrote this after coming home from school one day last September. I just had a long talk with a really good friend of mine and asked her for some simple words. This just came after.

Cara is...

Cara is...
*Random Spontenaety
*Giggles and pure laughter.... Happiness
Cara is...
*Always searching and swimming
*Food for thought
*Optimistically conquering
Cara is...
*Ready laugh
*Open heart
*Sincere eyes
Cara is...
*Loud, open mouthed, but swallows when needed
Cara is...
*Determined, dependable, willing
*unending will she be...
*Long lashed beauty
Cara is
*unselfishly serving
*Always listening... (ears open to all)
Cara is
*Not all reality...she dreams
*a cup of sunlight when rightfully needed
*a fresh breath of October air
Cara is...

"Lets Play"

Let me point out another reason I have the coolest family in the world. Tonight we had are annual "Pay Family Picnic." (That's my whole mom's side) We were one of the first families there and I was bored. So Anna and I played in the river and then hands up stands up.... but the best was when I decided to play on the playground... WITH MY GRANDMA! She went down the slide with me and all. I love it! I love it! I love it! I hope I am like that when I get to be her age. :) Cheers to family!

What I have!

These are the times when nothing else compares to what you have... When you can laugh on hours with out end about something so totally insignificant and tears roll down your cheeks. When you can say and do with out feeling the slightest bothered by who else watches. When all the jumbled mess of what doesn't really matter dissapates and you have those around you who really do matter. When you can sit back and enjoy doing nothing because you are with the people whom you love the most. I love you family. At moments like these... I know what I am thankful for.

Sunday

"It wouldn't hurt so bad if I didn't like him."

I'm Comfy

The saying- "It's all about comfort." Is it? I mean with out getting out of our comfort zones a lot would be unknown, unnoticed... Right?

Kathleens "project"

And as our eyes meet
the crevices encircle my glance and
cling to my soul.
Warm and mysterious
hovering closely as melting fire.
You open your mouth and swallow me whole.
Folding and gathering bundles of dreams
letting them seep one by one into the unimagined.
And as our eyes meet
Known is exactly.
You've seen me...
I smile.

Don't really know what to think... its in a "process" of it's own.

Lies?

I heard someone say, "If your thinking distorted you are thinking a lie." Is that true though? I mean are you really thinking a lie? Because if you already are thinking differently than what should probably be percieved... well unless you know it is a lie than you just don't have all the information? I don't know... just thoughts.

HELP!

I need some help. It has come to my attention that I do not have any way down to Utah once I arrive back in Idaho on the 22nd. We don't get in till 10ish at night but I need a ride home no later than the 24th, which is a tuesday. So if you know of anybody going home drop me a line. Thanks! Mom, Dad, Rachy... call as soon as you know. :) Love all!

???

Yesterday in a bathroom stall some one had written a qoute by Jimi Hendrix. It said, "Craziness is Heaven." What do you think? I don't think so at all. Everyone has a bit of craziness in them but really.... then, it is more like saying- Craziness is Earth. Here and now... (Nate helped me out with that really). Okay outy out out.

Swig

Last week I tried my first bit of alcohol. It is purely disgusting but I guess if people feel more sophisticated they can do whatever. I just usually raise my hand, give it a shake with a British "indubitably!"... It actually was fermented orange juice. Yum! ha ha :) I think that one taste is enough for me. My host family just wanted to liven us up a bit at 6 AM in the morning!

-- For all those to know... it wasn't intentional.

Ashamed

I probably went to Psychology class a total of six times and just found out I passed with a B. I am quite surprised actually but it is pathetic really... I should have gone just to learn something if anything! :)

A Day Touring

Today was quite a day. We drove for four hours today. (From Kansas to Missouri) We got to perform at an old folks home where the grannies and gramps were just adorable. Holly Murdoch sang a solo. She sang somewhere over the rainbow. It is one of my favorites for a couple of sentimental reasons... As she sung the ladies of the crowd began to join in with her, of course off tune. :) It brought tears to my eyes. They were truly, truly beautiful. Out of anyone they appreciated that song more than any of us young folk.
I just began to realize what a trip this will be. Yesterday we got to see the Community of Christ Temple in Independence. It was something that I learned a lot from. They have so many wonderful truths. So many things but just not all that they could have. It was hard for me to swallow. I almost burst into tears there as well. What a great experience.
My host families have been completely wonderful. I stayed with the Lyons in Kansas. The mother was originally from El Salvador so it was fun to talk about last tour and all the memories. :) I also got to see Nate! So I know I just saw him like four days ago... But I am now in his new territory and wanted to see him in his element. It was fun. We didn't do much but talk with everyone but my host family will be calling him for dinner sometime! Nate is great!
I can't explain it but for some reason everything, all the time, causes me to cry. Not from sadness or loneliness, just goodness. In its barest form.
I have begun to read Life of Pi as well as Preach My Gospel. Both great in different ways of course. :)
Today, one of the old ladies tried to mumble- "I noticed you as you walked in. You are beautiful.... You seem to want to help. And all we can do is try to be our very best selves... From the heart. People just got to do something! Be the very best self from within... your heart." She wouldn't stop touching my face and holding my hand and staring at my eyes. I told her I want to do something. That I did want to help others. She then said, "I know. I could tell by your eyes. You are beautiful." The conversation didn't go as smoothly as that. She mumbled and whispered and stud

Bubble Burster

Where did the saying, "Burst your bubble" come from? Today my lovely sister and I had a wonderful, random chat about the saying. I went to say it and instead said "Pop my bubble..." But really you can't burst anyone's bubble. The bubble itself is the object being bursted. You can really only pop it or I guess poke at it. --And what is a "bubble?" Because really you could have a bubble around anything, etc. And in order to have a bubble it has to be known. If you don't know someone has a bubble... how do you really know they have one? Anywho... Today I figured out this IPod I decided to keep and we (Rachel and I) named it the bubble burster. I like it. It's a tribute really.

Cop of Death

I thought everyone would like to know that today I was almost put into Jail. That's right JAIL! I balled and balled and the guy was a jerk. What can I say... I am a rebel. Ha ha not really at all. I was driving in the good ol back country of Utah and a cop decided to follow me. What a meany head. I mean, does it make them feel good to make others so completely horrified and miserable? I wanted to tell that cop off. I wanted him to realize that how he treated me was rude and uncalled for. I didn't talk back. I didn't fight him. I agreed with him and yet he yammered on about Jail and the waste of a person I was. Maybe the cop was having a bad day though? Who knows... All I know is that I felt extremely flustered. I was rashed like no other, balling so hard I couldn't talk, and scared to ever drive again. As of now I am not bringing a car back up to Rexburg. The one I have been using is getting serviced and I am going to be on tour for a month. I just don't know how I am going to get back down to Utah with all my junk and stuff after tour?! At least there won't be any cops on my tail anymore. I wouldn't mind cops when they do that if they would talk differently ya know!? Any who... It was a day of days today. I could have found myself in Jail... Yep... me. But I am thankful to be a free man. I guess it will be bikes for me :)

Attack of the Worms!

You know the smell of fresh fallen rain? And how much you love it? Now remember when you smell fresh worms? Yeah... that's right. Today was one of those days where you dodged worms all day long. Unfortunately I was wearing my flip flops again and slipped on some "sweet"
smelling creatures. Be careful.... those suckers are slick, I tell you what! I am not going to lie there was an evasion today and it wasn't the fresh smell of rain... it was more like poop.

This be Ficus!

I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am
Taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding
I am
colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am.... fine
I am fine

Apology Accepted

I would like to write explaining FICUS. Ficus is my plant. My first plant. My only plant. No he isn't a ficus plant- he is a blooming plant with wierd leaves and is oddly shaped but, none the less he is mine and I love him. Mine to love and feed and eventually everyone will see the beauty of my Ficus that I see and he will be appreciated with all his imperfections. I write of Ficus to apologize for forgetting for awhile. He is only a small plant you see... and depends on me. I left for a week and came home to realize I had not asked anyone to watch over him. Poor Ficus. His leaves were wilting and losing their color. I, then knew what needed to be done. I grabbed his water fed him and talked to him... Apologizing and such. :) The next day I found Ficus to be a lot happier. No longer was he wilting. He accepted my apology and we have never been closer! Ahhhh my Ficus... how I love thee.

Chicken

I have found myself writing a certain blog and then too chicken to post it.... I save it as a draft. Not that it has anything that would be hard to let others see (because we all know not to many people even have seen this yet.) It is just that I am insecure with writing. But that is why I do this. To get over it. I think about all these amazing individuals I have met and how my comments seem so insignificant compared to their level of knowledge and insight that they have. They, more than anyone else, explain and say what others- as well as myself can't or don't know how to explain. I love it. I appreciate them. But still,who I am is who I am. So why be scared? Why worry about my writing?... It goes back to humanness. I am sometimes just too worried about what others will think that I forget that what I say and think is me and end up going along and not showing any "me". I hid this blog for a long time from everyone. I have now told some and others found out some way or another, but still am scared to make it "public." It's silly really.

Story Time

I don't know what to write.... I just feel like writing.

Last night my good friend Nate read me my homework. One chapter to be exact. He did voices, facials... the whole deal. It was great. I have to admit it was a lot better than reading it alone for sure.

Today in my class, as we were discussing the chapter that we had read, my teacher asked us when the last time was when we had actually sat down with a book, took notes, thought about it's content, applied it to our lives, and discussed it with others? The class was silent. He replied, "Sad isn't it."

It is sad! Why not do that? There is so much to learn! Books have so much to offer! Why not ask questions and try to understand? It's just like TV but better and useful and not TV. :) I mean, here, we can sit around the TV, watch it for hours, be taught insignificant importances and not really even apply it personally to ourselves or even discuss it with others.

I don't know. I like books. I liked that Nate read me that chapter.

Why quit having "story time" in elementary?... I still enjoy it.

SMILE!

Opposite Day

Today I feel totally contradictory. It is such a beautiful, bright day outside and here I am walking around in black. Why didn't I wear color? I usually do. Bright and loud, but I have a presentation today and have to "look nice."

I have to admit I am wearing flip flops though... which are a big no no. And knowing me, which I do, will guarantee me taking them off some time or other while giving my presentation. Going completely barefoot. (I don't know why I do that. It's just one of my little quirks I guess you could say.)

My roomie, Shalie once said, "I think closed toed shoes make me not able to think." ha ha It was classic. (She and I are always wearing sandals or the bare essentials at the wrong time or place.)

So in a way I contradict the "looking nice" part I was going for in the first place if I do happen to present barefoot.... What was the point of wearing black then today anyways?

Photo Fiesta

I don't know if anyone else has experienced what I call "photo fever" but I just got a new digital camera and can't help myself from taking tremendous amounts of pictures! Inside of myself I justify it by saying- you want to remember every second BUT on the other hand some things- you just can't capture in a picture. Maybe some times you shouldn't even try... The memory of it is worth more than a piece of paper with only the essence of what really happened. So should I stop with my photo obsession? I doubt I will. It's new and fun to play with. But then there is the question that comes to my head- How many times have we recieved something and lost it in the end because it has lost it's "new flavor?" Does that mean it really wasn't worth that much to you in the beginning anyways? I think it can and it can't. Really kinda hard to explain. It depends on what we are talking about right? Because sure you did think it was worth something to you but you have changed and so has your favor with whatever it was.

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting you heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let ecstasy fill you to the tips of you fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being a human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear accusations of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even if it's not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from God's presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver moon, 'Yes!'

It doesn't interest me where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary, bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself; and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

(inspired by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Native American Elder, May 1994)

True Dat!

"Life would be a lot easier if we were Eskimo's."

ha ha... I love it, I love it, I love it!!! :) If you really think about it... it's totally true. All you would have to do is eat blubber, stay warm, and try to survive. Ha -Only joking guys! ...HAPPY MARCH TO ALL!

Follow

Life is going and is getting better all the time! Yesterday, I believe I experienced something completely new and challenging. I got to teach the lesson in Relief Society on Henry B. Eying's conference address on "Faith and Keys." Its an amazing talk.

I was scared to teach. I always have been. I guess I feel inadequate to teach others that probably know lots more than me, or because I feel I can't express the magnitude and depth of the talk fully. Any who.... I agreed to do it and made my preperations for the lesson.

FORTY MINUTES! I had never had so much time to teach ever before. I read the talk at least five times a day, read Ephesians and other scriptures, looked at other talks, etc... Because I felt that I needed to be prepared in any way.I finally finished my lesson and as it became night I gathered my thoughts, brushed my teeth, and read my P. Blessing.

I after kneeled in prayer and something happened.... Something wonderful.

I was not suppose to give the lesson that I had prepared. I felt it. I knew it. A line from my blessing stood out and would not leave my mind. I was not supposed to give that lesson I prepared, I was supposed to bear my testimony of things and go into discussion based on where the Spirit lead me. I have to admit that the thought of not going into a lesson with papers for others to read or a written outline of what I was going to say scared me. I had never done anything like this.

I didn't feel stressed though, or that my stomach was all in knots. I just was scared I wouldn't teach the lesson effectively to how the Spirit would want me to.

I woke up yesterday morning and still fighting this knowledge that I had I tried to write an outline. Nothing would come. Okay... I get it. So I got ready and left for Church.

All the while I thought of how missionaries probably do this all the time. They teach and say things that are lead by the Spirit. They might not have an out line but they are prepared. "Open your mouth and words will come."

So I got up and taught the lesson. I rashed yes... :) I cried yes.... But all in all I knew what I was teaching and knew for myself that I was doing what needed to be done.

I could have gone along with the lesson I had prepared but knowing I am not the one really teaching, decided it best to follow.

It's was something new and scary but it was also something wonderful and life changing that I am glad I was given to experience.

Wonderful is welcome

I don't know about me lately... I find myself, all the time, making light of things. I think I do it because it takes off the weight of everything for that instant. My dad does it. I noticed it when my grandpa died last year and my dad tried to crack jokes. Not about the death but with anything else possible. I guess it is just how some people handle stress and gunk. I am one of them. But not all the time. I find myself to be an optimist and so knowing that things are hard right now I still know things can get better. It is like I have two minds- One is telling me that life sucks... but then the other one jumps in and says "Hey wait a minute! Life is challenging but look how far you have come. Look at all the wonderful things you do have." I like that mind. :) So I am going to stick with it and enjoy. I feel like my whole school year, this year, was just one big emotional rollercoaster. I didn't prefer it but none the less that is what it ended up being. Am I emotionally constipated? I feel that way sometimes. BUT I feel "stableness" coming on, I guess you could say... -It's a wonderful thought.-

Just don't get it...

I just don't get it..... If someone you know tells you that Honesty is the best key and then later that day find them not being direct, upfront and honest with you how can you believe what they say?

I am hurt for the fact that No one told me... I have been honest. I have said things that were hard. I just don't get it.

Don't call me "babe" and lead me on to think you like me, or open my doors and pay for my lunch. Don't expect me to be all fine with it and be able to talk to you as friends for awhile... I just don't get it. I don't get how you could say you love me and then not be straight up and real with me. I can understand if things change- I know all about that, but at least tell me instead of leading me on to think differently.

How long have you known? How long have you said things just to say them? I just feel like I have been treated wrongly.

You asked for my honesty... Why won't you give me yours?

Doggie Paddle if needs be

Wash the gum from our eyes and dress ourselves for the Dazzle of the Light.

Long have you timidly waded holding a plank by the shore, now I will you to be a bold swimmer, to jump off in to the midst of the sea, rise again, nod to me, SHOUT! and laughingly dash with your hair.

- Walt Whitman

FOLLOW YOUR BLISS

It is miraclulous. I even have a superstition
that has grown on me as the
result of invisible hands coming
all the time...namely,
that if you do
follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind
of track that has been there
all the while, waiting for you, and the life you
ought to be living is the
one you are living.

When you can see that, you begin to meet
people who are in the field of
your bliss, and they open the doors to you.
I say, follow your bliss and
don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know
they were going
to be.

-Joseph Campbell

FOLLOW YOUR BLISS!!!! I love this qoute. Do it! Follow it! I know it... So should you!

Question

Why do we need passionate people?

They show us there is something beyond the mundane tasks of life... They show us that there are things that allow us to have joy, happiness, and feelings of self-fulfillment completely in a personal, self actualizing way.

Thoughts wanted-

Inner Peace

...Have you ever looked at an art form that is so powerful to you that it tickles the back of your neck and inhibts your body or eyes from moving away to anything else? Almost to the point that it becomes euphoric? You loose your breath and when the feeling is gone you can't explain it, nor would you if you could... You then look around and remember that there is an entire world around you that you had forgotten even existed...

Art

"Gods purpose for the artist is to inspire. To give us visions of ourselves that we night not otherwise see. To make us better than we would have been. The world is better for the arts and the artists in it. Few earthly things brings joy more fully to the world than the arts."

M. Russell Ballard-"Filling the World with Goodness and Truth"

What do you get out of this?

Today

“If every choice I make expresses a preference; if I am judging myself, proclaiming all the day long to God, angels and my fellowmen where my real values lie, where my treasure is, the things to which I give supreme importance. Hence, in this life every moment provides a perfect and foolproof test of your real character, making this a time of testing and probation.”

-Hugh Nibley’s “Zeal without Knowledge”

Sister Bone today stopped us in dance today and said, "Do you realize what you have and what you have had? Did you, at those moments, communicate all that you could in that moment?" Every day we have the opportunity to show "us". The real us. Did we, at that moment, communitcate all that we could in that moment? You'll never do things you did today ever again in the exact same way.... All is unique, all is genuine, all is something we need to express to the fullest... Because we will never be able to experience "today"(this day) again.

Nate posted a great qoute by Emerson that said “Speak what you think to-day in words as hard as cannon-balls and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day.”

I don't know what I am exactly trying to say.... Just every moment and every choice and everything we do today we should do it showing who we really are. What our real character is.

But then it brings up the topic of who are we really? I know in an eternal sense but here, right now, at this moment, on earth who are you? Or what is- self, I guess you could say?

You could refer to Cooley's Looking Glass Self Theory where it suggests 1) the way I see myself 2) the way you see me and 3) the way I think you see me. You could refer to a lot of things but what is self? All of it? (how I see, how you see, how I think you see?)

The other day I wrote down just a thought I had- "The way I thought I was to others that I thought was obvious isn't... Even if real. I need to show me and that might mean talking outloud to solve it. People don't know inside and I am realizing that maybe I percieve myself a certain way for no reason. I make it up. So what is real? and What is just made up?"

Just ramblin I guess.

Sisters Inspiration

"No man knows what he can endure until he must,
patience, strength and ability increase with necessity."

Book Club begins

I have made a goal to read a book a month and am searching for more books to possibly read.

Life of Pi
Catcher in the Rye*
Love in the Time of Cholera
The Da Vinci Code*
Miracle of Forgiveness
My Name is Asher Lev*
Jonathan Livingston Seagull*
Illusions*

The ones with *'s by it I have read or am reading right now.... But if you have any good books to read- let me know.

Skittle Run

Today was well.... I don't know. Cara, a friend of mine, thought it good to get me out of my house and take me to get skittles. She said it was for the whole shpill that happened yesterday. It was sweet of her but I don't think skittles are going to hit the spot for this one. But I agreed and left with her. She wanted to try the new skittles.... smoothie kind. I wasn't hungry but I ate a couple to let her know what she was trying to do meant something.

We always used to go on long drives together and listen to music just letting us reflect and talk. So we did that today. It was beautiful I must admit. The sun was a golden globe of warmth that I could feel seeping into me sitting in it's light. I love that. It felt very much like spring.

I wasn't very talkative. I was quiet and full of thoughts.

She decided to drive randomly where ever she felt and I agreed. She, first of all, drove past his old house, and then instead of going straight turned onto the street right next to the airport. All I could think was, "Please no, please don't turn here." Cara said something like, "Wow I haven't been here for so long... This is great." Yeah... It was great. Alot of wonderful memories even just right there. At that spot I remember feeling that I knew something I never knew before. I danced there once. I danced in the dark, silent field with an amazing individual and heard music. aaahhhh The day we danced....

She then turned around after that and drove to the golf course next. Right past a sewer plant and a pond. She stopped there and took some pictures and I, still silent, thought. Then to a playground, then to a gas station where the "big man" comment followed. I thought about telling Cara to stop driving and take me home but I didn't want her to. I loved all these memories. And even if it sucks and is painful and lonely now... I will always love those memories. They weren't sad so why make them that way now.

It just hurts you know?

Love.... its funny. You think your trying to make things simpler and it only turns out jummbled. I still love though... Don't get me wrong its just my little skittles drive just didn't hit the spot to help me get over any of it. But it was wonderful none the less. It was sweet of Cara. She didn't know what she was doing... but it did help me to know what I need to do.

Smoothie skittles.... they taste like Mambas but I suggest sticking with the originals.

Unconditional

Do I show unconditional love? Do I fit into the special category of wonderful people who love others regardless? I hope so. If not I will be. :)

Randomness

Love seems to be the topic of discussion everywhere. I would like to announce the new and improved Kate. I don't really think though that it's new or improved but now it is realized and known. I love. I love so much. I love the things I have learned... I love this Earth God has created for me. I love the most caring friends in the world. I love those brief instances where we see eternity. I love. I love the way this goofy looking guy, every tuesday and thursday, holds open the Ricks building door for exactly three minutes and gives you 30 seconds of warning telling you he is about to let go of the door. I love the lighting of the sun at 9 am and the smell of fresh air. I love the feeling of knowing. I love knowing who I am and where I came from and where I can be. I love. I love to dance. I love to be crazy and random and not think of a care in the world. I love realizations that we have a lot to do and a lot to be thankful for. I love lilacs and daisies and edamamae beans. I love rolling down my window letting my hands stick out, driving the endless roads of Idaho. I love life. I love. I love my family. (There is some great entries to come on the whole family :) ) I LOVE! I love I love I love! I think I have been so afraid to use that word.... Maybe because I feel that I fail in that area or I don't feel that I really know what it is.... Or how it should feel. But I am here to tell you- I know what love is. Romantic and not. I have loved. I have had heartache. I was so uncertain... why? I don't know. I knew. I know I knew. I guess that's all .... Love. I hope everyone realizes that they love! We all do. We all love. Why? Only because One was able to give it to us. I am soooooo Thankful and and happy and proud to announce that I LOVE AND LOVE THAT I LOVE!

Late morning

Today I woke up and woke up some more and finally woke up around 12! I can't even begin to wonder why I did this. I didn't go to bed that late.... I had four classes before 12? I really just was lazy. Maybe I needed this "nap". All I know is I feel guilty about it because I had no good reason to do it at all. I wasn't sick or anything. I have never slept in that late especially when I have classes. I woke up to my roommate Stephanie putting on her make up....Just because. She loves to get ready. She is the type of person that gets ready at least four times a day. I don't really understand why because every time she goes to get ready she comes out looking the same as she did before. I love it. Janna, another roommate, was singing in her room to the play -Wicked (Which was an amazing musical by the way!), and looking around on the internet. And as for me- I was in my huge sweatshirt and shorts trying to gain a state of consciousness with mascara, from yesterday, smeared on my right eye. It was a sight to see. I tried to make Cream of Wheat for breakfast/lunch and it exploded in the microwave everywhere! There was cream of wheat every where, for everyone. But I got ready and left for the last class of the day. I decided to wear these tan pants I used to love but I don't think I like them anymore. But I gave them the benifit of the doubt and will see how I feel about them throughout the day. I don't like them, I think, not because of what they are but for how they fit me now. Depressing and yet not at all. I know this is a stupid blog but well I find that is all I have to say right now.

Blogs for Everyone!

Can I just say... The links I have posted are amazing! Some of the greatest, most brillant people I have ever met. They have made me realize so much and really am in awe at how they are the way they are. What made me so lucky to know them? Nate Mecham is one of the most entertaining, honest, artistic guys I have ever met. He is insightful and just great! So go see his site, pictures and blog. Cody McComas.... well what do you say? I am changed forever. Go visit his blog... its full of goodness. Jared Orme is a guy I want to know more about. Intelligent and insightful... check it out.

Yadda Yadda

Sometimes life tells a story never even conceived by a single human mind. And with all its moments, memories, thoughts, ideals, dreams, aspirations bundled on top of one another... just waiting to be opened and expressed... The story is told. What's my story? I have thought about this a lot lately. Do I want to be just a girl who lived life confused but none the less happy? Or do I want to be the girl who conquers, dreams, and lives her dreams full, out loud, and alive!? I know things I want but either I don't want to inconvenience others or I am just plain ol' chicken. What's my story? Every page is being written pending on what I decide, what I choose...ultimately. Will my story be read for years to come? Will it be intriguing? I want them to be COLORFUL stories. A compilation of messups, mistakes, problems with happiness, love, laughter, hope and more to end it all. Life is scribbling down all impressions made and molding to form what WILL be known as my story. "What's the story?" some will say, and hopefully its response will be- "A life lived."

I Am

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest dear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Nelson Mandela, President, Republic of South Africa. From his 1994 inaugural speech.

Today in my theories class we were discussing the topic of "self." How Decartes said, "I think therefore I am." Is that to say that, in that time period, If you didn't think you were not? I think that in that time as well most others believed that there was no self. But if there was no self there would be no "I" in the first place? It was bold to say and stand apart. Later on in class, my teacher was rambling on about some such thing or another and I was slightly listening and sleeping when I heard him say loud and clear, "Are you trying to be something rather than what you really are?" Am I? And really, honestly... YES yes I am. I have been trying soooo hard to be something than what I really am. I hide. I fear. I am only a cover to what is underneath and written. And realizing this just makes me want to take it all off. Go completely naked. I want to be real. I want to be pure, deep down and raw. It might not be this "WOW" moment for anyone else... but for me- Revived and new I am splendidly going to walk the hidden pages of my life outloud... and naked.

Melanie

-It makes you or breaks you
-Wonder
-No calls
-Missing and not knowing
-Don’t want to be unfair to him or myself
-I asked for it
-So why ask for more than I should
-Fear of losing
-Fear of finally finding out and lost chances
-Unsung
-It either makes you or breaks you I guess
-I am in for a grand adventure

The other night my friends and I were playing around in the Spori building up on campus and Melanie said something profound... It makes you or it breaks you. But does it really? I mean "It" can't do anything if you are in control. You have the power to choose how things end up or how you would like things to end up. I don't know I just don't know and am scared I never will.

Dreamers Wanted

"The Dreamers are the Saviours of the World"
- James Allen

Dream all day! Dream all night! For those who don't have dreams.... Don't worry we got your back... But I highly suggest dreaming just a little. And by that "little" you will find it to consume your whole being even until you become the very things you have dreamed of. How delightful! :)

Tell Me...

04/18/03

Where are you? Help me. Hold me.

Wrap me in your arms.

Whisper feelings never spoken of... only cherished

and i'll soak it into my soul.

Lost and bending for what I can't reach with in the grasps of my fingertips

Just waiting for the moment when eyes shall focus and smiles widened.

What are you thinking?

Tell me...

I am listening.

This was just a little someth'n someth'n from back in the day. I don't even know if it makes complete sense but as I was scribbling it down it was what needed to be said. Its about a boy whom I loved. I hadn't seen him for about 6 months...

Can you hear it?

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"But in the mud and scum of things There always, always something sings."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Tuesday

"Today I will conquer fear and sadness.
Why live in the mundane when sunshine glistens our path and the smell of October is gathered into bundles of deeply cherished ideals?
Today I shall conquer...
I will dress myself in bubbles, lilacs and sweet tasting honey.
I will talk only of gossip well spent and memories happy laugh.
Today I will strech beyond capacity.
Opening my arms wide, closing my eyes, and taking in a deep breath of air.
Today I shall conquer.
Today I will start.
I will depend on myself, lean on the Lord and sing the songs of birds.
Today I will realize, experience and be thankful.
Today I will fly with the wings of My kind established on hope, love, hard work and dreams.
Today I shall conquer..."

It was a beautiful October Tuesday and while laying on my back soaking the greatness of the day words came. And so I wrote....