With what do we hold our days?
Live free and wild,
spring and bounce.
Walk with the clovers and dance with the sparrows.
Silly simplicity dangles on the edgings of our feet
and love sweetly holds to our toes.

Mission dreams

I had my first dream about my mission today. I have had previous dreams but always at the MTC or about a mission but not in my mission. Venita was my companion. We went into a home and the people spoke english. So I was doing okay. We taught a young blonde haired boy who wanted to hear more. We ate with the family and found that a girl from down my street right now (in real life) had married into this family to a guy named Shepp (my hair cut guy in real life). We left there to Josh (my friend in real life) calling me about some problems he was having in the church. I was helping him as Venita and I were walking outside when all of a sudden Venita vanishes. I dropped my phone and ran. Venita fell through the ice. Apparently we were walking on a frozen river (I just watched Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind... frozen river) I panicked and didn't know exactly how I was going to save her but managed to pull her out of the water. I held on to her and ran with her wanting her to get inside anywhere quickly because only a few minutes in that cold weather and she would be ice. I seriously was freaking out. I tried one house. Nobody. The next house- nobody and then finally I just walked in to a house even if no one was home because Venita was about to die. Turns out Venita lived and the house we broke into had people who were interested in learning about the Gospel. I told them thank you and who I was in Russian. (Some main things I know how to say right now). It was a good dream and a nightmare all in one. Man. Its closer now. 18 days.

24 days! What do you think about that! Weeeeeee!

kiss

You know those times when you laugh so hard that your face feels like it is going to fall off and your stomach is one hard mass of muscle? I experienced this last night. It was absolutely blissful. It feels good to be sooo happy, where you are actually drained from the greatness of it all.

Since the call...

Just some photos from the cruise with my sisters, opening my call, going through the Manti temple, Angels Landing(Zions Fall 'o6!), Snowboarding trip from Hell with Kathleen, Ventia home at last, my last trip to Idaho, Christmas time, Yurt Adventure #2 and our(Emily, Nate and Kate) candlelight dinner night with a depressing movie to top it off. :) I have loved the memories!

 
 
 
  

 
 
 
  

 
 
 
  

 
 
 
  

 
 
 
  

 
 

Today has been a good day. There are times where I can just sit and think and read and not stressed in any way. Not a care in the world. I 'reflected' a lot today as well. I read old emails on my BYUI account and thought of my first years in college. I looked at old photos of my father growing up and pictures of when my Mom and Dad were dating and engaged. It was nice. I ate lunch with my sister and Mom and saw a whole flock of little sing song birds fly across the sky. I watched an episode of the office and felt bad for Michael. I sat by my fire and thought about a mission that seems so foreign to me. Life is wonderful. Its simple and beautiful. To think from where I started and to be sitting where I am now. I have learned so much. I have met so many wonderful people. I have seen and felt things like never before. I love the memories. I love the new ones that will come. I love living.

Dang Insecurities!

I have a very VERY difficult time handling situations where I am not understood. I know I have a problem communicating. For years I tried every way to deny it. I would blame others or situations. I would play the 'victim'. I just fought the idea that I, Kate, had the problem. But I do. I am getting better, as the realization has occurred, but still find it hard for me to accept it at times. I want to think that I am not a poor communicator. I would like to think that I do nothing wrong... but that is just not true. I am humanly flawed. I try not to get emotional when I am misunderstood. I hide. I can get stubborn, fight back, second guess or hold on to things said. Not to say that I am never understood, because I find most of the time I am, but when I really feel I want to communicate something precious and important, to me, it can end up that what I was trying to say was not understood or conveyed correctly. Its frustrating and find at those times that I just want to not talk or try again. Obviously, I love talking to much not to do so but feel that maybe I never really will be understood in those 'deeper' parts of me. I can accept that. I just want that so badly. I want people to know what I intended to say even if I fumble in the communicating of it. Its a work in progress that is for sure. Language is a mystery. I struggle, lately, with myself about going on my mission and not having anyone understand me. Insecurities are shown. I know the words have power but the message I am proclaiming is much deeper than words. It will be felt. All I can do it try again.