Tired

I had a realization today. I take for granted what I have. I was making one of my friends feel bad that he didn't come on this Yurt trip with us yesterday. He didn't want to go because of the money he could be making instead of the adventure. I told him, "But what about the memories?..." Well right after that we went and saw- The Pursuit of Happyness. There was this one part where the main character lends someone five dollars when he, honestly, has no money and how hard it must have been... I turned to my friend and said," I would just punch the guy in the neck and run off with my money," kind of just being stupid when my friend said something. "But think about all the memories..." I know he was playing with me about our last convo. but really, I never thought about it. Money is a big deal to succeed, go to school, live... And here I am saying that the yurt trip was only 15 dollars. Only 15 dollars! I know alot of people I have worked with that could be just happy having that. I am selfish, unthoughtful, and not grateful enough. Makes me think how I really should use money and how I should rethink how I live life. So I realized today.

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along th’unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:
“There is no peace on earth,” I said,
“For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men.”

Till, ringing, singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

There's something about-

The fresh scent of pine.
The bushes by my bedroom window and how they are green all year long.
The lady who conducts songs, on her radio, while driving.
The sound of the heater turning on.
The huge snowflakes that take their time falling.
Egyptian Licorice herbal tea and Mint Hot Chocolate.
The christmas lights framing my roof.
Decorating the tree.
Singing by the fire at night with my family.
Old Christmas claymation movies.
Scarfs, gloves, hats, and more.
The cool, crisp air and the bundles you roll yourself into.
The family I have.
The smiles and laughter.

There is just something about it.

Much to be thankful for...

150 Years ago today my great great grandmother, Mary Goble Pay, entered the Utah valley with the Willy and Martin Handcart Companies. It was around nine'o'clock that cold winter night. Mary was sitting in the wagon cradling her mothers head, who had just passed away. Tonight I was able to sit with a huge group of family that came about because of her. She had 13 kids and what a woman she was. What a feeling of love I have for this woman and the pioneers who strived to follow the Prophet and walk into the unknown. What where they wearing? What had they eaten? How many had died? What were their feelings as they came out of that canyon? Amazing. Truly.

Christmas Devotional 2006

What a wonderful time of year. I think everyday this week I was compelled to tear up due to some instance where I realized true happiness. Where I really understood what makes me happy. This Christmas Devotional was good. I learned a lot from it. When and where do I do things for others that they cannot do for themselves? Do I consciously make an effort to do that and to do more? Do I give God my heart, my all? Do I focus on the 'Spirit of Christmas'? How strong is my faith? Why haven't I met my neighbors I don't know? Do I make time or do I just watch t.v.? Tonight a lot of questions were rushing around in my head. I want to be more. Be better.

I smiled as I sat there, all snuggled up with Anna, Jessie and Scott watching. Loved seeing Scott gently kiss Jessie on the forehead or watching Jessie cross stitch a masterpiece with only one hand. I loved being able to put my head on Annas shoulder and write my thoughts down on paper. I love just being there. Being with my family. Its Home.

Whistle while you work

Got home from the gym. Rachel had made breakfast. Good! It was oven baked eggs with some good ol' spices like rosemary, basil, thyme, etc. I cleaned up. She cooked so I wanted to clean for her. BUT that was not the end of my cleaning. The fridge at my parents house just kills me! Always has. It smells funny, has weird food just piled in it from who knows and just not very feng shui. So.... I cleaned the entire fridge. Feels a lot better now. Beautiful and neat. Makes everything more enjoyable for me in the kitchen. Wish I had a before and after shot. Man on man. There is just something about having things clean and doing it with my own hands.

Stranger Than Fiction

Just saw it. Go to it. See it. Love it. It seriously makes me want to wake up in the morning and be... 'Me'.

Do you know?

So, does anyone know where to find- Womens size 9 1/2 thick soled,insulated, waterproof, polishable boots? Cause I don't.

Thanksgiving!

I love you all. I miss you all. I am thankful for you all! Hope Thanksgiving was fabulous!

Alma 32:27

But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

Three Cheers! Hip Hip... HOORAY!

Do you know what I like? Happy People! Life is just too dang good to be otherwise. :)

Enjoy!

There is something I love about the end of fall and the start of winter. I have this tradition, if you will, where after I have been gone all day from home- I drive into the circular driveway in the darkness of night, park, turn off my car and let the 'music' continue as I watch the first flakes of a wonderful season come falling down onto me and watch how my front door is colored by them. Its simple and beautiful. Such joy it gives me. Then after soaking it all in. I open my door and the cool air touches my face. I smile. And with one last look for the night, I walk inside.
Its just a wonderful feeling. It in a way, this season, gives me this feeling of wanting to be loved. Weird probably I know. But summer flings or whatever... the season of fall and winter is completely comfortable, warm, and just romantic. I want to be loved. Everyone, I am sure, does. But the end of fall and the start of winter brings somewhat of a feeling like that with it. Good times...

Just call me 'certified'!

I just got home from a four hour test for my licensure as a social worker. I passed!!!! I was so scared I wouldn't for some reason and when the screen came up and told me if I had passed or not. I automatically thought I didn't pass. But once realizing it acutally was a big fat 'pass' instead I screamed! ha. Yeah! I am just so grateful.

www.myspace.com/emilyhopepricecello

That is Emily's myspace account. Go listen to her!

The beginnings of a cello player.

I just want to write and express something. My cello teacher, Emily, once asked why I wanted to play the cello. I responded in mumble sort of manner not really knowing how to express why I wanted to learn... I went to one of her house concerts and tears welled in my eyes hearing and seeing Emily play. So there I was, trying to express why I wanted to play the cello when in all actuality I was describing or trying to describe what was right in front of me. Emily. That is why I want to play. Because of people like her. She is truly amazing. She is passionate. She has emotion. She really loves what she does and its all about the music. She is creative and talented and deep down soul-full. I just really am so glad that I was able to be taught by her. Even once. She has made learning the cello not just a hobby for me but an instrument I will never forget. She is going to be big! :) She asked me to play in her last house concert, which I really hesistated on. Its totally not what I do. I fear it. I fear being alone and everyone watching me play. I fear messing up. But because of those reasons I decided I would accept the challenge and just suck it up no matter the outcome. I was nervous. I mean.... My whole body was shaking and couldn't stop! Hands sweaty, Rashed completely... So when I played with my bow it had a nice little influctuation from my body shaking! I kept going though. Tried to not think about what I was actually doing, performing in front of a crowd, and just did it. It wasn't my finest. It wasn't some immaculate thing. It wasn't perfect. But for me I learned that I don't have to be perfect. No one is expecting perfect. Just do the best you can. So there you have it. I, Kate, am learning the cello from the greatest teacher in the world and faced a fear. Thanks Emily.

The Russian Alphabet

Oh my goodness!

I have been called to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the Baltic Mission!!!! (That consists of Estonia, Lithuania, and Latvia! I will be learning Russian and leave on February the 14th! Valentines day. Ha. I am so excited and shocked that it feels so surreal! I AM GOING ON A MISSION!!!!! :) Whopee!!!!

Assigned Friday. Any day now...

Smile Wrinkles...

As you can see... wrinkles appear in the later part of an 'adolescents' life.

Let the good times wrinkle.

WAITING!!!!!

Man... I am just in a blogging sort of mood I guess because I have been posting alot lately. No matter though. There is a certain excitement about helping clean a room filled with clutter. You never know what you are going to find. Not only that but the feeling of a clean room. That you cleaned for hours and hours. I was able to help my mother with some 'key clutter' rooms in our house and it was really really fun. My dad was shocked. Couldn't believe we did it. (If there is one thing you should know it is that my dad is a pack rat. My mom is too but not to the extent my father is.) :) It is nice to see my mom light up at a picture she saved out of an old calender because she couldn't bare to throw it out. Or the many picture frames she collects or cards that fill up at least a whole column in the storage closet. To see how she created a treasure box for the grandchildren and the many arts and crafts she has on hold for any of us to do. Its fun to go back in time and be able to look at my grandpas memories. The things he saved and cherished. To see how that was sort of passed down to my dad. To see how parents are so attached to projects their kids created that the kids would not even want to keep. Its like finding out little details about my parents I didn't really know before. My dad loves these english comics from back in the day. Or funny little drawings and pictures he has been storing since before I was born. Who would of thought..... helping to clean out some rooms in a house, I have been living in for more than half of my life, and am now just beginning to find the meaning in them.

"I've Got Better Plans"

They say-
Just commit for a year.
Just commit for 8 months.
Just commit for 6 months.
Just commit for 4 months.
Just commit for 3 months.

And all I have to say is - "No, no I am sorry. I cannot do that quite yet..."

Home again

Wow. What can I say. Conference, yet again, was amazing. The talks were sooooo good. On Saturday, as I was sitting in my dads seminars, I could not contain my eyes from swelling up with tears. I could not explain to the extent I wanted to, to the new hired help that was sitting there with me. It was an interesting time for me. This new guy found out I was LDS and from that moment on would non chalantly ask me questions about the church. "Oh course I would never go to your church but..." or "Why do I go to church", "Why do I pay tithing", etc.... Sparks of interest were there even if he said they weren't. Its good to learn of all religions in general. As I put on my head phones for morning session on sat. in the back of the room, with a pen handy, he came, sat down, plugged in his head phones and listened. He listened to bits and pieces throughout the whole two sessions. I thought that was awesome. He was very real in the fact that he didn't feel like I was trying to 'convert' him or anything. He just was interested in why I was so into 'Being LDS'. I am proud to be who I am. I don't mean that to sound boastful but I am sooooo glad to be apart of something I know for myself to be true and that makes me happy. I am grateful for such a wonderful Prophet we have. I can not emphasize enough how marvelous and refreshing it was to hear these men of God speak to me. It only reiterates the callings in which we all have. To be who we are. To be real and upfront. To strive and push forward. To take in the moments that make life soooooo wonderful. The leafs are changing and full of color. The sky is blue and the day was warm. Thankful I am. Thankful I am. I only hope that I can be better.

Honey.

Today at breakfast I was looking at the honey thinking.... "What a wierd substance...and we totally love it and eat it." So I decided to look up how honey is made. And well.... it goes through this whole process of thrown up by field bees, fed to the house bees and then 'some how' magically transfered to the honey comb. Wierd maybe disgusting. Yet so good. It is said to be all natural. Natural in that bees do this all the time I guess but, if we did that as humans I might just vomit... and not feed it to someone. Also, interesting that bees even make honey. Why? Amazing really. It all goes around.
Here is what I read--

What is honey? How do honey bees make honey?

Honey is a sweet, thick sugary solution made by bees. The composition of honey consists of varying proportions of fructose, glucose, water, oil and special enzymes produced by bees. (Glucose and fructose are types of suger)

The first step in making honey begins when field bees fly from flower to flower collecting the sweet juices or nectar that a flower provides. With their tongues, the field bees suck out the nectar and store it in sacs within their bodies. After filling their sacs with these sweet juices, the field bees fly back to their bee hive and regurgitate the stored nectar into the mouths of house bees.

These house bees are assigned the job of adding enzymes from their bodies to the nectar. The enzymes cause the water in the nectar to evaporate-thereby turning the nectar into honey. Lastly, the nectar is stored in a cell of a honeycomb. Overtime, the nectar ripens and becomes honey.

The buzz on honey...

Honey is one of the easiest foods to digest.
Honey is used in many cough syrups because its smooth, thick texture soothes throats.
As a result of honey's unique ability to readily absorb air, it is often used as a moistening agent in baking.
Honey comes in all types of colors and flavors. The color and flavor of honey depends on the how old the honey is and the kind of flower that the nectar was extracted from.

Just some thoughts.

I am continually amazed at these seminars my dad is in charge of. If the TV show - The Office would just come to one of these events it could, seriously, be the hit of the season. :)

Another thought- The Whole Foods stores that I have seen from Western Washington to where I am now I just love. If it wasn't so dang expensive I might just be a regular for my groceries there.

And yet another thought. Tomorrow I am stuck in a conference room all day... But the great thing is- I still get to listen/watch conference! I mean seriously how amazing is that? That you can get online and be able to listen and watch things live! We are sooooo lucky to have all these commodities available to us! I think I sometimes don't think twice. But I am fortunate. :)

And last but not least- There is something wonderful about people watching in a book store. It's not about TV, Movies, blah.... its about good ol' books. And they enjoy it. I like that.
That's all for now.

...Something Wonderful Is About To Begin...

Welcome Fall...

I sat outside today just taking in the season that is... Fall. The smell I just cannot get enough of. I have to admit though the feeling of fall could be depressing BUT once you sit on your porch and take it all in, thinking of the wonderful things life has to offer bringing this season, it is actually quite the opposite. Go outside. Sit on your porch. Silence. Wind breezing. Take in the air and become Fall.

Letter my Great Grandma wrote my dad on the day he was Born.

Dear Little Man (My grandson)

Its very late or I should say, very very early in the morning, and time all good grandmas were in bed, with their night caps on, but not this one. I'm far too excited to do such a common place thing as sleep-

Today I recieved good tidings of great joy- Unto the Thurstons a son was born- You my Lamb.

Its such glorious news, I keep thinking over and over I have a grandson-

I want you to know how welcome you are, and congradulate you on your choice of Parents. Out if this big wide world you picked the most loving mother and father- They will cherish you and guide you thru the years-

I hope you will learn early in life that love is the greatest thing on earth- That you will love nature, and enjoy the beauties of the great outdoors- See the face of God in the laughing brook, the unfolding of the spring buds and the flight of the swallow-

And I hope you will have a feeling for good books early in life- Books are our silent friends.

I love you. I love you. Good night.

(It continues with more from the next morning and when she holds my dad for the first time etc.)

Tonight as I was just about to hop on the computer my sister Anna was asked to her high school homecoming dance. I got to help her look for the guys name in a cereal box. This is not all though- This guy has been the long awaited crush she has had for sometime now. I kept on telling her that he would come around and then they would fall madly in love, well in love as much as you can be in highschool. I kinda miss that feeling. Getting asked out to a dance, hoping its that one guy. Of course Anna played it cool in front of the padres BUT as she headed down stairs she couldn't help but smile and scream with glee! Happiness I feel. She is so excited how could you not be. I think that is how is should be though. Kathleen just told me the finishings to all her boy details and what can I say... she is so excited and happy and I just love it. Here here to having those you love being in love, or in like, or just happy. It is a good feeling.

Done?

Happy Birthday to all!

Anna- What you mean to me is more than what can be expressed. You are motivated and busy and beautiful and loving. Smart, passionate, crazy and spiritual. You are radiant and a crumple. You are assertive and messy. You are addicted to Nutella. You think you look like Scott. You are creative, spontaneous and such a prankster. You listen and open your heart. You care for others. You are strong and forgiving, colorful and tall. I love you! I love you! I love you! XOXO ... Come play with me after school!

Cody- One year older and wiser too! Cody you are a great friend and I am thankful to know you. So caring and hardworking and insightful. Have the best day ever!

I am a Social Worker

Today was officially my last day as a student. I took my last test here at BYUI and got to end this school experience the way I would have wanted... I got to dance. We had a little performance. I just can't even describe the gratitude I feel for this institution that has taught me so much more about dance and its deeper meaning. Its feels so surreal to be done. To not ever have to go to school again if I don't want to. Man it is crazy. I am now no longer a student. I am a social worker. :)

Smitten...

Its true. I am 'smitten' by a boy. I met him at the beginning of summer at a local gas station. Just a crush. Just a fun little crush. All I can say is that I am smitten with this one. Never been like this before. I actually talk to him and flirt with him and he seems to be doing the same. He hasn't asked for a number....yet :) but I don't care too much because this crush thing is just fabulous! His name is Jon. Today he said I looked good and if I would kiss him on the cheek... ha. You know, thats totally normal for someone who helps you at a gas station huh? :) Its just so fun to have a crush. But even better when its someone that you are smitten by. Its a good day.

That page has finally turned...

So many books to be written. So many stories to tell. I swallowed myself and finally turned the page...

There is alot more to this book, I haven't seen yet.

Let me just tell you how hilarious my mother is. She last night was preparing to leave on this church history cruise with my grandma and aunt. She, first off, always gets the feeling that she doesn't want to go right before leaving. Like she will miss what the kids are doing or something like that. Also, for the life of her, she could not figure out what to pack. She ended up staying up all night doing laundry, making lists for Anna (which she dated everyday she was gone as march 12 and so on rather than August), ironing, etc. So as 6:15am rolls around, She almost forgets her diabetes medications as we are leaving and shouted which scared me to death! But this is where it gets good. My mom when she doesn't sleep doesn't get huffy... she gets real giggly and talkative. She couldn't stop moving around and hustling and bustling with whatever she was doing. She in her commotion grabbed all these papers. books, magazines to read on the plane ride and just spilt them everywhere. She just laughed. As we were driving there was this random stick in the road and my mom just bursts into laughter because why would a stick like that be in the middle of the road?! Of course! Ha. I know this doesn't even sound funny. Cause I cant write to give those last few moments with my mother before her big trip justice. But I love my mom. She is great. Thats all you really need to know I guess. Simple and sweet- I love her.

Too much and too little....

Lately I have been feeling that I need to do more. I don't think I am helping enough, or cheerful enough, or appreciative enough, or caring enough. I think sometimes I am too selfish, too emotional, too helpless, too lazy, too scared. I want to see people for who they are rather than what I might percieve them to be. I want to expect nothing and give everything. It takes work. I am too prideful and say I am too busy. I want things I can't have and don't even give that, which I want, to others. Its time for Kate to stop it. To stop and drop what I thought and start again. I love you. I pray for you. I want nothing better than for you to be happy and on your way to the best experiences you can possibily grab on too. I want you to feel loved and cared for, appreciated and know that I am grateful. I want you to feel secure and warm and wanted. To know you are brillant, beautiful and talented. To know that whenever you need someone to listen, talk to or just have to have... I am here. And I don't do that. I need to do more.

...There still is beauty...

"Close your eyes.
For your eyes will only tell the truth
And the truth isn’t what you want to see.
In the dark it is easy to pretend
That the truth is what it ought to be."

"You are Special"

Randomly, a piece of paper that someone scribbled on ended up in my hands. And I got scared.

"It is real. We both know it."

Sunday fun and Me at 400 lbs. - LAUGHTER IS WANTED

Its hard to hear that your sister would rather play with friends...
that you are too 'obsessed' with a boy
that its time to change.

Its easy to ignore
to hide
to fake
but it will never close the gap.

Can't somebody understand me?
Can't somebody see I need?
Does anyone care?

Its easy to ignore
to hide
to fake
but always I want more.

life is beautifully blurry...

played in Egin Lakes
woke up to a blissful 6 o'clock morning
sat in my last social work class at BYUI
danced for the first time in 6 months
tuned my cello by myself for the first time
changed a flat tire for the first time
and talked with Harriet about life and being a girl!

Man.... it just never gets old does it.

Oh my gosh, what am i doing awake?!!

walk

Blueberry muffins and a boy to keep me warm.
Quarters and childhood stories.
In love and helpless to know it.
You smiled at me and I screamed inside.

D.C.

Monuments are standing. Einstein is still thinking... And sometimes all you need is a rolled down window with the air rushing in.

DEFY GRAVITY!!!!

I can't even explain or know why I love this song so much but it just 'moves' me. The overall idea of the song I love and belting the lyrics at the top of my lungs isn't half bad either. DEFY GRAVITY!!!! I think we all need a little pep talk like this every once and awhile.

Blueberry muffins and a boy to keep me warm. People watching and childhood stories. Barefoot in love and helpless to know it. You smiled at me and I screamed inside. This is it girl... Jump in and take the dive.

Breath deep, breath hard.
Wipe your body,
shave your tears.
Sew your heart that tore...
so many years.

I tried and asked but you weren't there.
You were talking
on the phone
to a girl with pretty brown hair.

Inside out and la la la la
I guess I am not the one
you thought you saw.

Kiss me just once
say its alright
make me feel that I am the only one...
Tonight

Walked alone
air fizzing in the mind
your weren't there
your were talking on the phone
to a girl with pretty brown hair...
How could I be so blind.

Hide it, Flaunt it,
only show a smile
But this hurts my baby
I don't think I will recover for the while.

Birds with no wings
Mice that are blind
I try to jump
but only end up cryin.

Breath deep, Breath hard
Wipe your body
Shave your tears
Sew the heart that broke
for so many years

Eternal Sunshine...

"Joel, this is it you know? Soon this will be gone too."

"I know"

"So what do we do?"

"Enjoy it."

Man... I haven't felt like this for a long while but here I am up at 2 am and still wide awake. I want to do so much. Say so much and well my thoughts just go with it all. I love this time of the year. The warm nights, the smell of the breeze, good company, green everywhere..etc I just love this feeling I am having. I got alot of time to spend with my sis that I haven't had in a long while and laughed and laughed hard. I went to a concert and didn't care about singing out loud. Some one called me who didn't have much to say but wanted to say hi- which was super sweet. I ran in the rain. I started building my credit on a rent to own Cello. Got a cheap 60 minute massage at a college. Moved around my room. I don't know. It just all feels great! Take it as it comes. Don't freak out or over react. Smile. Laugh. Play on a swing set. Go on walks. Take off your shoes. Help someone else out. Stay up all night. Ahhhhhhh... welcome summer.

D&C 45:62 and Deuteronomy 31:7

For verily I say unto you, that great things await you.

Be strong and of a good courage.


This time in my life, I have found, is a place of endless choices. I am graduating and now free to go were I would like, see the people I care most about, and have the opportunity to decide, in some ways, what I will do. This is the time in my life to have no more regrets. No more confusion. This time in my life I need to trust my self and the feelings I have(along with God and such). All too often I wouldn't pay attention to that and now I am not willing to ignore it. Willing. Ready. Scared. Happy. It will happen. My life is changing and I like it. Great things await. :)

Summer Seminar Uno

Seminars are always an experience when working for my dad. For one, everyone tries to get on your good side because they think you can give them a deal. Two, you get all sorts of crazy people that come every year even if they have heard the talks over and over. Three.. New places to see.

This last seminar was in NYC. Scott puked out the window of a taxi in jam packed traffic, No one I worked with wanted to go explore so I got to look around NYC city by myself. (Which was refreshing and fun)Played peek a boo with a girl staying at the hotel and every time I saw her after she would run over and say hi, Got a gift given to me by one of the attendees, A speaker saying- "I put this up here so you could look at my package". (totally didn't mean it badly... he actually meant a package of his program! :)) Convinced Scott to go explore to find a good indian food restaurant, Going to the play Wicked! (I will defy gravity), Got hit on by a Guy at the seminar who just couldn't get over how "beautiful" I was (wanted to show me the town, gave me his info to come and stay with him, and probably did it just because Dad was the one putting on the seminar!) Ha. It was grand. Some funny times. Always something interesting happening!

Carrot Bat?

Road rash: a tribute to Jeff

Just got back from long boarding for the first time in about a year. My hands feel like they are ten times the size they should be, trying to adapt back into warm apt. air. I smell like wind from the great outdoors and drove a stick shift toyota truck. Today was a good day. I got alot of things done and am happy.

Amy is Engaged!

(Us girls at our finest!)

GUESS WHAT!!!

Confirmation Recieved.

Today I got the chance to go to the Temple. Temples are so wonderful and amazing to me. The feeling, the experiences I have had there have been tremendous. Right after being baptized I came out of the font and the woman, for whom I was doing family names for, asked me- "Have you recieved a confirmation?" I stumbled on the quesiton. I had earlier prepared for the temple trip with some questions at hand but to hear her say this...it stuck me. Do we go looking for a confirmation? Do we fully think about this? I asked her to repeat what she had asked... so again she said, "Have you recieved a confirmation?"... then went on to say it differently- "have you been confirmed yet?" I smile at that moment I had. Taught me something more. Go to the Temple! Sit outside in the sun, on the Temple grounds, and think. GO TO THE TEMPLE! and I promise you, you will feel something there. Something wonderful. Recieve a confirmation!!!! :)

Goodbye to JCC internship

I have to say- It was my last day at my intern today...and balled like a baby. I didn't think the tears would hit me until I got to my car but, sure enough, they fell in front of all the girls and staff and had to give my last words and advice to them through my blubbering and jibberish. I cannot even express how my experience at the JCC has affected me. No words. Nothing to really give the full impact of it all. I will never forget it. Relationships with people are essential. I don't want to go just skin deep. For those whom I love and care for I feel even a more immense feeling of love and gratitude for and an urgency to never, NEVER only go skin deep. I need to show how I feel fully. To let others know how I feel for them. To allow myself to accept me, as well, at the core. Not only skin deep. Bla bla tear tear, wipe, smudge... Ha. I have loved this opportunity with my internship.

Just to let you know- My dearest Grandma is engaged! Here is to my Grandma who got more action than me this year! :) ...And tay tay just because she is so cute!

Woke to Easter tapping on my window

Just some of the many joys...

Heres to:

Dad singing with Avril
Mom slap happy, laughing so hard late at night she cries
Wright sticking out his tongue whenever he concentrates really hard
Stephanie for wanting to be on American Idol
Faiths diagnosis of- Ship in the mouth
Taylors poop in my bed and mad faces
Rachel dancing in her G's
Scott playing warcraft all night long
Jessies contagious laughter
Anna's sewing craze and a room that looks like a volcano just erupted in it.

Depression Awareness Day

Today is Depression Awareness Day. Many people suffer from all kinds of depression. There are many resources out there to help. YOU ARE ONE OF THEM.

I love my job

"Ms. Thurston! Ms. Thurston!"

"What?"

"Dream and sleep with the Angels!"

courage

non toxic.

A friend of mine recently gave me some bubbles... I just realized, seconds ago, that these are not just ordinary bubbles. They are miracle bubbles. It says it right on the label- "Miracle Bubbles." So I ask the bubbles- "Bubbles what kind of miracles you got in there for me huh? All that comes back in reply is- "what you make of it."
Miracles are all around us. Just got to notice them to realize they are right in front of our questioning faces. Open your eyes. Take them in. It is what you make of it.

Today was an eventful day. I volunteered helping the Elderly get signed up for Medicare, I danced in the studio for the first time since tour, I hung out with friends I haven't seen in a million years, I planned a fishing excursion with Shalie, I went on a walk... such a beautiful day, I played soccer with hilarious friends, swung on the swings, had a bb que,watched Bryan Reagan, popped balloons by hugging, I got pulled over by the police and he let me off because I "have" a class with him? (I don't... and I totally shouldn't have gotten a ticket anyway), I went to a party my friends brother put on....

Now this is where I begin. I don't know. I guess I am not into the partying scene. I don't mind having fun, quality fun, but to me the party just made me feel...umm.. I don't even know how to describe it. I don't get the whole concept of "freak" dancing. I don't understand why people dance that way. Show your affection in another giving, loving, and more caring way. Some people say its the only way to go but as for me... I just am not in that sort of scene. Don't get me wrong. I love concerts, hangouts, parties, all that. But cannot handle some things as maybe I should. And how they rent kegs and fill it with Rootbeer. Okay.. its totally fine but- Here especially it is just giving a bad vibe. I feel sometimes I shouldn't be this way. I understand people like it and they can. I just don't. For myself. It doesn't make me feel the way I should. And that is me... personally. I don't know. I wish I was more liberal at times. But this was just not something I ever really enjoy. It brought me back to highschool deals... there are just certain ones, for me remember, that rub me the wrong way. I am totally open to whatever but if I just cant enjoy, I find something better to do. Like smile. :) Sorry this was super long and well... I just am not saving drafts anymore.

I just want to say that I have been edified in the words I heard this weekend. It affected me to a point where I have never felt some of the feelings I did there and then. It has made an imprint on how I will live my life and made me realize some things that have been on my mind lately. I feel truly grateful for the experiences I have had. For the people I have met. I feel happy for those around me that I care so deeply for and want to scream it, almost, at them and tell them all the things I think and feel. What a simply amazing "spring break" it was.

Sisters... How I LOVE thee

word

Salubrious \suh-LOO-bree-us\, adjective:
Favorable to health; promoting health; healthful.

Where have all the drafts gone?

I did it. I took Emily's advice and just pressed publish. I don't even know what was in all of my drafts but I did it. And to tell you the truth it felt good. Most of the drafts, from the dates I saw, were from March, June, Sept, Nov. of last year and I think some from Feb. and March of this year. I don't think I will ever read them considering I had reasons for probably not posting them and it would just get me all jummbled inside if I should have really posted them or not. Ha. I am silly. Anyways... I don't care anymore. Write because you want to! Cheers! :)

Break for Kate

okay... I have come to a decision for right now. Lately I feel that every time I try to write and post something I end up saving them as draft because I don't feel that I can express or write or they are stupid. I am just SOOO FRUSTRATED about it and bottled up and feel that I don't need that. So I am taking a break from blogging for awhile. I will browse others but as for me I need to get over my low confidence problem or whatever this is... I feel insecure about it and unable to express how I really want to... writers block I guess but for now- just going on a vacation of sorts. :) See you all sometime soon! nighty night!

cant express

Tonight I got the chance to sit back stage of CDT in Concert up here at college. I don't really know how to express or think I can express how much I love it. There is a feeling there. The sound of marley under bare feet, the rush of wind when one turns, the heat of the lights, the light trees you try not to hit exiting the stage, the music, the movement, the mood. I caught myself from crying I think 7 million times! Sitting back stage as compared to in the house audience is a completely different experience. Back there it just reminds you of these intense times. Extremely difficult, wonderful, funny times. I don't really know what I am saying. Dance for me was an outlet. One way I really felt I could express my feelings and be understood. (I tend to have a huge problem with communicating and it being understood the way I intended it) It was something I could completely indulge in. It engulfed me. I see dance as a place where others are allowed into my dreams. Not only mine but just a place to dream. A place to let your thoughts go. Rarely was I focused on the technical moves compared to the thoughts and feelings I experienced. Yes I will dance on but preforming and being sooooooo emotionally connected... it is just different. The girls with which you dance also, I feel, know you so well. You knew everything about eachother. I mean seriously when you were preforming and made eye contact you felt as though that other persons soul was seeping into you and visa versa. I can't write out how I feel. I feel regret maybe... but not regret. I feel happiness and sadness... Really I just miss it. Life goes on but man.... I never ever want to stop feeling how I do about dance. Its beautiful. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!

GOOD MORNING!!!

It's a good feeling going to bed at 10:15pm and waking up automatically at 6:45am

Yesterday I experienced something that particularly affected me while at my intern. Since I am the intern I don't want to run the whole thing or step on toes or anything so I try to be apart of the whole thing as well as stand back when its not my place. Well today I put my two cents in. One situation that stands out in particular is when we were at chow (dinner) two girls began to ask me if I have ever been in love and if I have a boyfriend or dating anyone. You, in those situations are usually suppose to turn it to them- asking them questions etc... but felt that I was fine to answer. I kept it short and then they began talking about their relationships. One girl talked about ever since she could remember she was abused physically, emotionally, sexually, all... well she began to go into all these details and I stopped her and asked her what she has been doing to help her get out of those situations. She told me nothing. I asked why not? She said because they loved me. Because it is better that I get hurt rather than my family. I asked her to think about what she was saying... because I know if my family members were being treated like that I would be affected by that. I then again asked her to look into it because she, and the girls in my group, have soooooooo much potential and no matter what, NO MATTER WHAT! no one should treat you that way. She deserves, everyone deserves better than that. Its a hurting behavior. I see so much good! So much talent and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! They just have never believed that for themselves. Well we talked throughout all of chow. Trying her to go deeper and so as we went to group meeting she was awarded the group time and wanted to talk on it because I had made her realize some false beliefs she has. The feeling was over whelming... I didn't even think twice about our conversation but realized it affected her as well as taught me that I can give advice and help

Wow... today has been a great day. I did not go to one stinking class but instead... ICE FISHING with all my Juvenile Delinquent friends! I must say I didn't know what to expect but it was awesome. Especially going with these girls. I was able to catch the first fish as well as the biggest by the end of the day... 14 inch Rainbow trout. I must say I am pretty proud of that considering it is only beginners luck. I think the girls really got into it. Took time to reflect, play around and have fun together giving alot of good helping encouragement. The best part was getting to our spots on the lake. The wind was blowing so hard it would push you across the ice. These girls, if you could imagine, were freaking out screaming Ms. Thurston! Ms. Thurston help me! :) It was hilarious. If I didn't know better I thought we were all about to die. We all laughed hard with some falls on the side! It was beautiful out there. I liked the wind particularly just because it added an extra dynamic with the group. Things were flying away left and right! So great. I look at all these bright beautiful girls and see tremendous potential in all of them. So intelligent. So energetic. They just need to put what they did today into action throughout. I feel a bond with them. Like they are my sisters. I want them to fix up their lives and live life more enjoyably as I felt we experienced today.

Mustard?

Its official... I have secretly found a love with mustard. Not that I love it in its plain form yet but today I had the best, most delicious, salad dressing in the world... okay well the best salad dressing at least with mustard in it. Not just mustard either. Honey Dijon Spicy Mustard!I have to admit... I never thought I would like it at all. Here is to changing it up and living it large! Mustard for all!

--I will get the recipe on here soon and pronto. Yes... yummmm. :)

any comments?... feel free

Listen to your heart.

When I am old...

I once read a poem entitled- Warning. A couple of summers ago on my way home from a river trip, with some friends, we decided to go around at random and start with- "When I am old I shall wear purple and..." then add on. It is a memory for some reason that stands out to me. The laughing, silly comments, and thoughts that I had.
When I am old I shall wear purple and wear crazy bright pink lipstick.
When I am old I shall wear purple and kiss my husband all the time.
When I am old I shall wear purple and do the splits and cartwheels.
When I am old I shall wear purple and swear. (I thought I would. I don't think I will anymore.)
When I am old I shall wear purple and go barefoot.
When I am old I shall wear purple and dance just because.
When I am old I shall wear purple and jump on my bed.
When I am old I shall wear purple and act senile just to get a rise out of my children.
When I am old I shall wear purple and laugh loud and long. Maybe a hackle or two.
When I am old I shall wear purple and keep my hair long and white.
When I am old I shall wear purple and have sleepovers with my grandchildren.
When I am old I shall wear purple and probably smell. :) haha
When I am old I shall wear purple and go skinny dipping. "Bare Wrinkles" :)
When I am old I shall wear purple and sing loud not caring what it sounds like.
When I am old I shall wear purple and spend quality time with my family.
When I am old I shall wear purple and have dinner club.
When I am old I shall wear purple and explore.
When I am old I shall wear purple and go skydiving.
When I am old I shall wear purple and wear non matching clothes... or better yet extremely matching clothes with those grandma shoes.
When I am old I shall wear purple and sit on my porch.
When I am old I shall wear purple and have a garden consisting of anything imagined.
When I am old I shall wear purple and tell stories to my grandchildren.
When I am old I shall wear purple and listen. Giving XOXO's :)

Found this on my mirror...

Kate,
I love you!! Sorry I left you, but hopefully I'll see you there.
Kami

(when I die this is what I'd say to you 02/23/06)


HAD TO LAUGH! :)

Burnt out and Summer goodness

Its come to that point in the semester where I am totally burnt out. I feel no motivation even though I know I have to do things. I am super tired and just want to sleep. I had the experience of wishing that the week would be over and summer would be here. I am just burnt out at the moment but have resolved to only allow this behavior this week and than kick it into action once again. What a waste of Education if you don't learn anything. So I am learning! :) Speaking of summer though. I have lately had this feeling that something wonderful is going to happen. Other than from what I am anticipating. I don't know... its a wierd feeling. Something that I will decide to do or what I will do this summer is going to affect me greatly. Not only that but what I decide will have an impact on if this "certain something" happens. I have no clue what it is but feel this sense of happiness. Simple happiness. Hard to explain. I just know that I need to prepare myself for anything. Be ready to jump when necessary. All that I know now is that I will be up here at school doing my intern and graduating this summer. So we will see.

Michael Vartan (Vaughn)... I love him.

http://vartan-web.com/photos/displayimage.php?album=98&pos=0

Go to link to see him up close and adorable! :)

Star

So on my way down to Utah two billboards just stuck to me. Eye catching. I couldn't get them out of my thoughts. The first one said- ESCAPE THE WORLD. I began to think of all sorts of wonderful things. I imagined sitting on top of the car with my arms opened wide, closing my eyes and letting the air brush past me. Sweet smelling and wonderful. Then I would jump, flying around. Where? around the buildings twirling, flipping, speeding up and slowing down, flying high as I could and end up not where I had began but rather, on a star. I imagined the star like how we draw them...A huge bright warm star. (not some fire ball.) :) And there I would stay. Sit and think. Looking at the whole scheme and smile. The second billboard I thought said Research HOPE. I thought as I passed that- Maybe I should. Why not? But coming closer to it and realizing it actually said- Research=HOPE. Still it stuck with me. :) What a great drive!

Don't kill. It only leads to death.

Valentine

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.



William Shakespeare

(1564 - 1616)

Wrinkles forever...

Today I couldn't help but notice my hands. How could anyone ever love these wrinkly old hands!

100 MPH on Kates Dip!

Kami... welcome to the club! :)

John Milton

Sabrina fair
Listen where thou art sitting
Under the glassie, cool, translucent wave,
In twisted braids of Lillies knitting
The loose train of thy amber-dropping hair,
Listen for dear honour's sake,
Goddess of the silver lake,
Listen and save.

Today

Woke up, did homework, put on some pants, left with Kami, filled air in tires, Kami "forced" me to go to Idaho Falls, ate at the first Italian or Chinese restaurant we could find, ended up at a chinese place, by fate decided what we ate, Kami ended up with chow mein/mandarin chicken, I ended with chow mein/fried rice (picked that three times randomly by spinning around the menu and then choosing with my eyes closed), recieved our fortunes which Kami said would be our destiny!, laughed at the outcome, next drove to icecream, talked to a girl who loved the truffle kind, wierd ha, drove to the temple, parked and ran across the street, played by the river, walked on the river! (Its true), Felt like a kid, laughed, scared, survived, drove home, pumped iron, ran, watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (amazing), made Valentines, did poetry night in candle light, took a shower, poofy hair, no makeup, glasses, barefeet, sitting on bed, talking randomly about life dreams with Kami. Ahhhhh! What a day. I woke up not knowing what I would be doing and I have loved it all.









(The top fortune was for Kami. Good luck! ha, the second one is mine... but considering how the top one was farse I don't really have anything concrete to believe mine is not farse as well. hahaha And besides what kind of fortunes are these anyways! Ha)

So I finally put up some of the links. They are all wonderful great people! Go and see goodness! More will come lata :)

Time

Never hear a single word I say
Just thinking about the last day that I spent with you….
That I spent with you

Had a smile just the other day
quickly it, it went away
it was not with you…
it was not with you

Getting sick of this old town
I only see what I’ve lost and found since I’ve been with you…
Since I’ve been with you

Wandered down to the bridge
Stop and take a look over the edge
And I still miss you…
And I still miss you

And I know the time has come
Its’ all over and done
Headin out along my way
And I’ll keep on looking for a better day
So I can take my time…

Sky ain’t blue, grass ain’t green
Beauty just don’t mean a thing when it’s not with you…
And it’s not with you

The leaves move, the wind blows
Forget things that I used to know
when I’m not with you…
and I am not with you

Nothing really seems to get in my way
Except for when I start to pray
and I pray for you…
I still pray for you

This road won’t take me to your house anymore
The windows locked, you’ve closed your doors
And I’m not with you…
No I am not with you

And I know the time has come
Its’ all over and done
Headin out along my way
And I’ll keep on Looking for a better day
So I can take my time…
Take my time….
From you

--Song Written and Preformed by Nathan Eugene Mecham (a freakin genius) I love this song! Nate last night preformed this song at the Singers Songwriters and well... I just love it. He rocked the Casbah! :) Go to http://natemecham.com to hear it and more!

Ficus take two... (but with wings)

Introducing- Vincent Rothko Nygel Jamal Jr. Wilthur! Or for short- Petey, Pheonix, Doc, green thing, Joey, or psycho.... So Kami and I got crazy last night and after spending a day looking for decent sunday shoes and scanning over random poems at the book store we bought our new roommate! (The only thing we could really decide on) HA! Go to get shoes and a good book and end up with an exremely funny, intelligent, good looking friend!

Two things-

So I have two things to add for today- one being that yesterday I was able to take the psychological IQ test that my girls and all the juveniles on campus have to take at the JCC. It is apart of their O&A (observation and assessment) It took 2 1/2 hours! (granted it was an intern learning how to give the test)- What I got out of it was that I feel alot of pressure to get the answers out quick, because they time you on some parts, that I sometimes sacrifice thinking the questions out fully and instead blurt out the first answer I think is correct. I felt dumb realizing this seconds after it was already too late. So I had to laugh. I felt so stupid and yet here are these kids who have to take this. Who don't want to be there... it wasn't some fun thing to try out. So if I am feeling stupid about it and wanted to do it I can only imagine how they feel in the same situation. It was cool to see the different kinds of tests they do in the process as well as what areas I am better at as compared to others. I also noticed that on some where it is up to me to give an answer I second guess myself alot. I knew I did this but it felt very apparent as I took the IQ test.

Also- As I was at my intern my Sister in Law and Brother called to tell me what they were having! I had to wait until 9 to call them back and predicted. They are having a BOY!!!! Due on June 20th! I am so stoked! This is the first nephew and can't wait! I am sure he will be drop dead good looking considering the girls are! :) I remember when Steph had Faith up in Washington and getting to watch the tape of it. It was 2:30 in the morning and I had just barely had gotten home from Olympic practice to find the tape waiting for me. So I popped it in and watched as Faith was born. I balled. Then Taylor was born. I was able to be there when the event actually happened. Beautiful. I mean there are really no words to describe the feelings you have as a new baby is born. At least no words to fully describe it anyway. Angels where there for sure and a rush of love and magnitude for this kid! Maybe I am a sap for it. A baby story on TLC makes me cry! ha It is just amazing and wonderful. I am super super excited for my little nephew to be born! They are going to name him Wright Jr. after my Dad and his Dad! :) WAHOO!

Here we find ourselves

Every day on my way to work I cross this bridge that goes over a beautiful river. I smile every time as I see it getting closer into view because I secretly love that moment the most out of the whole drive. I smile, chuckle to myself, kinda wiggle my shoulders and then breathe in the freezing air seeping in through my window as I cross over the best part of my journey! I think we need to notice how lucky we have it. How beautiful and wonderful a thing called- life is. My intern has really changed my perspective on things. I need to start being less stubborn, more helpful, take more leaps, sing more songs, laugh longer and harder, walk barefoot all I want, thank my friends and family for all they portray, look and see... Its a wonderful world out there and I am just beginning to see some things only for the first time. I am here for a reason... and am going to find out why.

Ahhhh Yes

Why does it feel so nice to get your back scratched/massaged or have some one play with your hair?! I think I am just a person who needs that kind of interaction. It calms me down... lets me relax and think. Sorta a stress management sort of thing. Ha... this sounds so funny reading over it but really... I love it! I am sure most people do.

Great News!

Did you know that besides marijuana helping to treat seizures, asthma,and preventing nausea in cancer patients it also helps with- Glaucoma! The active ingredient, tetrahydrocannabinols(thc), acts as a "vaso dilator" to de-clogg your eyes thus helping to prevent blindness or loss of peripheral vision!

My new saying as of now has been, "Man... I just need my marijuana!" ha It hasn't gotten to the point where I need it or anything but learning about the possible things to help prevent it was found- interesting.

So should drugs be used in certain situations? Why?

Yep

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

Warning!- long leg hair and molestor stache :)

The bet- see who could go the longest without shaving. Guys- mustaches, Girl- legs.
The contestants- Kate, Mike and Anthony
Starting Date- Oct. 31, 2005
Times- Mike dropped out after a week.
Anthony gave in the 22 of Dec. but told me he hadn't shaved yet so....
I did not shave until Jan. 10, 2006.
Awards-First to drop had to pay for milkshakes for the others
Between the last two... A date(dinner and movie) paid by the loser.

I think I deserve it. My legs were hairy. Beautiful in its own way... but hairy. ha (Click on Picture for a "closer" look) :)

And so it is. :)

Your Laughter

Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.

Pablo Neruda

Wouldn't you know- while working on my computer randomly this poem popped up that I had saved from last year. I love this poem! I found it in a book store by randomly picking up a book turning to any page and then reading what kind of goodness it was filled with. I sure do like it! :)

Happy 2006!

Going on my record for last years goals- Floss more, take out contacts more, SEE THE WORLD. I think I did fairly well. I did floss more and took out my contacts more than I might have. I definetly "saw the world" a whole new way this past year. So many things changing, so many things learned. I was opened up to some harsh realities and some great experiences and memories. I did get to try the egg nog as I had wanted. I did drive a tractor! I said things I should have long ago. I have fulfilled some of my goals that I have had on a list entitled- 50 things to do before I die! ha... It has been a grand adventure that is for sure! So on with the next year. As Adam D. might say... Its been a long December and there is reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last. :) Some definite goals focused on for this year of 2006 are- 1. Read the Bible and D&C again, 2. Go do baptisms once a month at least, 3.Take my contacts out every night due to borderline Glaucoma bit, 4. Graduate with a bachelors in Social Work, 5. Focus on others more, 6.Smile more, laugh more... There are more but those are ones I MUST do. Anyways. There is the scoop for now. ;)