Barefoot, Carefree Orphan

Last night Brittany and I were on my bed talking to Shalie about her boyfriend. She pulled out this little chapstick container she had. It fell on the bed so of course I picked it up and took a sniff. It smelt like watermelon. Shalie said it took her back to last winter. She made me smell it again.... She said, "I don't know. When I put this on it just takes me back to last winter, American Manor E1 and all of it."

What would it be like if we had items where we could put it on and all of a sudden the memory is staring us right in the face just like it was real once again? Rushing us with all those feelings, thoughts, ideas...

I think I don't need things to do that sometimes with certain instances. They seem so real to me and so up front in my memory that they feel like I had just experienced them for the first time. I am good with certain memories... I guess the ones that really affected me on a level. I remember the clothes, the smell, the looks, the things said, the feeling, sometimes the day, sometimes the time, the lighting... all in all the memory.

I sometimes think it is a wonderful thing to have. To be able to just think of an instance and remember it so clearly. But on the other hand its horrible.

Sometimes I wish I could just get amnesia and forget all the things I don't want to remember.
Sometimes I think that would be better. But then again I know it wouldn't just because- you learn something from everything... even if nothing.

Without all my experiences and memories- wanted and not wanted, I would not be the same.

Once instance I would want to go back to would be when I was about eleven. Wandering in the strange trees behind my house and in the gully. It seemed so adventurous and scary. I would often pretend I was an indian or a run away orphan where I would have to live off the land to survive.

One day in particular I was playing my role as usual when I came across a curious tree. I was barefoot, had grass stains on my left knee and hadn't brushed my hair for at least a couple of days. As I saw this tree I squinted- It looked like a magical tree... a moving tree. As I got closer to the tree I found hundreds, even millions, it seemed like of caterpillars! I love caterpillars. So curious I was that I grabbed a few with my little krumpled hands and examined them. I named those few but quickly decided to take the names back so the others wouldn't feel bad. And from that day forth I would go back to my secret home in the forest and talk with my squirmy friends.

It was a fun time. It was a magical time.

I remember coming back the next year... expecting my friends to all be there once again to find- nothing. But everytime I saw a butterfly after, I was sure it was one of my friends with no name.

Undone. Unsung. Colorblind.

Rain

There is just something about rain that I LOVE!!! I seriously think people find me too wierd to describe sometimes because when it rains I don't know what happens... I get all giddy and smile from ear to ear. I prefer not to wear jackets and just let the rain seep in. I love it when your face and head gets so wet that the water accumulates around your brow and the water droplets drip off your chin. I don't know why I like it so much but I do. It made my day even that much better. So as the bells of the clock struck one today, on campus, I walked happily on my way with no jacket and water all over. Lets not even get started on how wonderful and refreshing the smell is as well. I don't know but I LOVE RAIN!!!! maybe too much could get a little depressing but as of right now I say, "Bring it on!" So if it is raining in any area you are in... Go play and laugh and smile and soak the wetness in. But if your not such a big "getting wet" fan- sit by the window and watch it fall. That is always great too.

Stall #2

Ever wonder why you pick a certain bathroom stall? I usually pick the second one in. I don't know why though.

Today I went in to use the bathroom and found my stall occupied. I didn't know what to do. I thought about going in the one next to it but thought maybe it was to close to the visitor, of my stall, next door. So I went two over. Why? No clue.

We are creatures of habit I suppose. We like comfort. Its like at church- those families that have a specific row they sit on every week.

You know what? I am going to change the comfort level... try a new stall.... sit where someone usually sits.... Change isn't bad. People just want to be comfortable.

I think its time everyone gets comfortable with uncomfortable.

....Then uncomfortable wouldn't be at all.

Demolition Derby Madness!

Just some funness in St. Anthony. Thats Brittany, Wendy, Me and Kyle. And if you didn't notice in the car mess picture- number 86 was named Nate. He caused the wreck. And That is Amy and me. She almost made me pee my pants the other night. What great fun!

Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul And sings the tune without the words And never stops at all.

--Emily Dickenson

Ten Bucks says you're not as cool as my Sis!

Enough said...

Thankful

What do you say? I mean really? Some thoughts are meshed into my head and well I don't really know how to get them out in a way that everyone would understand. I guess I am just thankful. I am thankful for friends who truly understand me, who don't care if I am "boring". Who accept me and all the stupid silly quirks that are embedded in me. I am thankful. I am thankful that I am able to attend a college. I am thankful to be able to always know I can talk to someone if I need too. I am thankful for a family that loves me. Who with out I probably would be lost. I am thankful for the truthfulness of this wonderful Gospel. I am thankful for missionaries and what they do and stand for. I am thankful for people who care, for grass that grows, for winds that talk, and for the wonders that make them selves apparent at the just the right time. I don't know what to really say... What do you say? Thank you? That just doesn't even give it justice to how I feel...

I lifted my back... because it hurt so bad.
Is it a belly belt?
I didn't know if you were a boy...
Chalupa!!!
What are those ladies doing? Are they harvesting?
My feet reek... sorry
urine and Kate match today
young...shy...oh me oh my
I really like your soap! It reminds me of my Grandma.
Lets see if she has make out face.
I will never never never write a song about...

Wow... I mean really... I really can't express how great church was today. I tried to sleep on my deck for the past two nights but friday- it was raining and last night I attempted but after hours and hours of wind filling my sleeping bag I moved into the family room. One thing I do remember was waking up last night and seeing the night sky perfectly. I could have stayed up all night just staring. I woke up, now in my family room, to my grandma who was going to church with the fam. It was a pleasant surprise. I actually ended up going to the singles ward to see Paul and Josh but ended up only staying for two hours and then driving up the canyon for that last hour. I know that I am super dramatic at times but I felt like I needed that drive. It was something I always used to do to think. I couldn't help but smile. Well- as I was driving up, there was an accident. This poor little squirrel was caught between me and the side of the road that he wanted to be on... so I put on my brakes to let him run across. I think though that this only confused the poor thing, considering that because alot of people probably don't stop for his friends, why would I. Well I thought he made it across and I went to preceed on my way when- SMACK.... I felt a bump and knew what I had just done!!!! I killed my friend. I really felt like that too. I remember its face right before and clasped my hands to my mouth not knowing what to do. I felt horrible. I had to leave the scene. I had done it and couldn't fix it. I felt kinda helpless... I hate that. The rest of the ride went smoothly though... I rolled down the windows and sang my guts out. Later after dinner and play time with the nieces I walked out onto my deck to take in the night moving in. It was windy as ever. I love that. I don't know. Maybe I am crazy but I really think it was talking to me. The wind that is. Just reasurring I guess. -- that sounds so silly. Anyway. I thought it time for a sunday walk and left to watch the storm roll in while doing so. It was great. So beautiful. First the wind talked and now it was the lightnings and thunderings turn to take a shot. So some would say that it was a dark and stormy night but well.... what a beautiful, dark and stormy night! I brought a jacket expecting some rain and got what I wanted. I love the rain!!!! I love the smell of it, the feel of it... everything! I couldn't wear my flip flops any longer and so I went barefoot. I plucked two sunflowers for my sister since we did celebrate her 16th birthday today and headed home. The rain was crazy and as I got home my sister changed to come play but by the time she got out there the rain was ending. Poop. I love my sister. I know I have written soooo much but well I have alot to say and this doesn't go to deep into all that I experienced. I loved it though. I think I will try to sleep on my deck again. Ciao

Welcome Rexburg

Yesterday was one of those days where you just want to be quiet and take it all in. I had a break during one of my classes and instead of staying in the stuffy inside I decided to venture. I didn't know where but needed to escape. I found my place in the gardens. Not by the flowers, or the fountains... but next to the many wonderous apple trees. Apple trees bring back so many memories that I debated if I really wanted to think about them. But being that I loved them I sat, pulled out East of Eden and plucked one little apple out of the tree and began to read. Something about it was so wonderful to me. No one was there and the warm sun was shining bright. (Where I had to take a few minutes just laying on my back and dreaming). Just me.... with a fresh apple and a great book.

School has begun... and I think I am going to like it.

"And just then she wanted to be someone who sits in a pasture with another someone and eats cold ham on potato bread... So they did."

--The Goose Girl, Shannon Hale