Barefoot, Carefree Orphan

Last night Brittany and I were on my bed talking to Shalie about her boyfriend. She pulled out this little chapstick container she had. It fell on the bed so of course I picked it up and took a sniff. It smelt like watermelon. Shalie said it took her back to last winter. She made me smell it again.... She said, "I don't know. When I put this on it just takes me back to last winter, American Manor E1 and all of it."

What would it be like if we had items where we could put it on and all of a sudden the memory is staring us right in the face just like it was real once again? Rushing us with all those feelings, thoughts, ideas...

I think I don't need things to do that sometimes with certain instances. They seem so real to me and so up front in my memory that they feel like I had just experienced them for the first time. I am good with certain memories... I guess the ones that really affected me on a level. I remember the clothes, the smell, the looks, the things said, the feeling, sometimes the day, sometimes the time, the lighting... all in all the memory.

I sometimes think it is a wonderful thing to have. To be able to just think of an instance and remember it so clearly. But on the other hand its horrible.

Sometimes I wish I could just get amnesia and forget all the things I don't want to remember.
Sometimes I think that would be better. But then again I know it wouldn't just because- you learn something from everything... even if nothing.

Without all my experiences and memories- wanted and not wanted, I would not be the same.

Once instance I would want to go back to would be when I was about eleven. Wandering in the strange trees behind my house and in the gully. It seemed so adventurous and scary. I would often pretend I was an indian or a run away orphan where I would have to live off the land to survive.

One day in particular I was playing my role as usual when I came across a curious tree. I was barefoot, had grass stains on my left knee and hadn't brushed my hair for at least a couple of days. As I saw this tree I squinted- It looked like a magical tree... a moving tree. As I got closer to the tree I found hundreds, even millions, it seemed like of caterpillars! I love caterpillars. So curious I was that I grabbed a few with my little krumpled hands and examined them. I named those few but quickly decided to take the names back so the others wouldn't feel bad. And from that day forth I would go back to my secret home in the forest and talk with my squirmy friends.

It was a fun time. It was a magical time.

I remember coming back the next year... expecting my friends to all be there once again to find- nothing. But everytime I saw a butterfly after, I was sure it was one of my friends with no name.