2.23.2005
Wonderful is welcome
I don't know about me lately... I find myself, all the time, making light of things. I think I do it because it takes off the weight of everything for that instant. My dad does it. I noticed it when my grandpa died last year and my dad tried to crack jokes. Not about the death but with anything else possible. I guess it is just how some people handle stress and gunk. I am one of them. But not all the time. I find myself to be an optimist and so knowing that things are hard right now I still know things can get better. It is like I have two minds- One is telling me that life sucks... but then the other one jumps in and says "Hey wait a minute! Life is challenging but look how far you have come. Look at all the wonderful things you do have." I like that mind. :) So I am going to stick with it and enjoy. I feel like my whole school year, this year, was just one big emotional rollercoaster. I didn't prefer it but none the less that is what it ended up being. Am I emotionally constipated? I feel that way sometimes. BUT I feel "stableness" coming on, I guess you could say... -It's a wonderful thought.-
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I agree completely! It is as if life is supposed to be a struggle, that God has decided to test you to your max... a refiners fire we shall call it! And, yes, it is probably for our good and we are growing and learning... but it feels as though you are going to drown, without a soul around you to hear your last few yells and shrieks of horror! At times you ask yourself "am I gonna make it? can I do it? are things going to turn out right and good?" and no matter how opitimistic you try to be, you still question it all! But the truth of the matter is, it is going to be alright! God looks down on us with mercy and, most of all, LOVE! He wants us to succeed, to be happy, and to pss this test called life! He will not allow us to fall apart and fail... He will take us by the hand and walk with us until we can walk no longer.. and then He will carry us! And if it seems we have already fallen and yet He is not there to carry us onward.. it is a test of faith! Have faith that it will all turn out and that good will come from our moments of sorrow and trials. It is hard to keep going, to contiually remind yourself that your emotions are running away with you and it is time to sit back, be sensible, and allow our faith in the Lord and ourselves to carry us through it! I believe in you Kate! I know things wil get better.. may not be until the last yell has escaped from your lips that someone fially takes your hand and rescues you... but it is only a matter of time and faith! It will get better and easier... at least that is what I pray (for you and me both, honey!) Youa re in my prayers and I love you like a big sister! I am always here for you!! Just keep struggling through it all, whatever it is you are facing!
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