GOOD MORNING!!!

It's a good feeling going to bed at 10:15pm and waking up automatically at 6:45am

Yesterday I experienced something that particularly affected me while at my intern. Since I am the intern I don't want to run the whole thing or step on toes or anything so I try to be apart of the whole thing as well as stand back when its not my place. Well today I put my two cents in. One situation that stands out in particular is when we were at chow (dinner) two girls began to ask me if I have ever been in love and if I have a boyfriend or dating anyone. You, in those situations are usually suppose to turn it to them- asking them questions etc... but felt that I was fine to answer. I kept it short and then they began talking about their relationships. One girl talked about ever since she could remember she was abused physically, emotionally, sexually, all... well she began to go into all these details and I stopped her and asked her what she has been doing to help her get out of those situations. She told me nothing. I asked why not? She said because they loved me. Because it is better that I get hurt rather than my family. I asked her to think about what she was saying... because I know if my family members were being treated like that I would be affected by that. I then again asked her to look into it because she, and the girls in my group, have soooooooo much potential and no matter what, NO MATTER WHAT! no one should treat you that way. She deserves, everyone deserves better than that. Its a hurting behavior. I see so much good! So much talent and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! They just have never believed that for themselves. Well we talked throughout all of chow. Trying her to go deeper and so as we went to group meeting she was awarded the group time and wanted to talk on it because I had made her realize some false beliefs she has. The feeling was over whelming... I didn't even think twice about our conversation but realized it affected her as well as taught me that I can give advice and help

Wow... today has been a great day. I did not go to one stinking class but instead... ICE FISHING with all my Juvenile Delinquent friends! I must say I didn't know what to expect but it was awesome. Especially going with these girls. I was able to catch the first fish as well as the biggest by the end of the day... 14 inch Rainbow trout. I must say I am pretty proud of that considering it is only beginners luck. I think the girls really got into it. Took time to reflect, play around and have fun together giving alot of good helping encouragement. The best part was getting to our spots on the lake. The wind was blowing so hard it would push you across the ice. These girls, if you could imagine, were freaking out screaming Ms. Thurston! Ms. Thurston help me! :) It was hilarious. If I didn't know better I thought we were all about to die. We all laughed hard with some falls on the side! It was beautiful out there. I liked the wind particularly just because it added an extra dynamic with the group. Things were flying away left and right! So great. I look at all these bright beautiful girls and see tremendous potential in all of them. So intelligent. So energetic. They just need to put what they did today into action throughout. I feel a bond with them. Like they are my sisters. I want them to fix up their lives and live life more enjoyably as I felt we experienced today.

Mustard?

Its official... I have secretly found a love with mustard. Not that I love it in its plain form yet but today I had the best, most delicious, salad dressing in the world... okay well the best salad dressing at least with mustard in it. Not just mustard either. Honey Dijon Spicy Mustard!I have to admit... I never thought I would like it at all. Here is to changing it up and living it large! Mustard for all!

--I will get the recipe on here soon and pronto. Yes... yummmm. :)

any comments?... feel free

Listen to your heart.

When I am old...

I once read a poem entitled- Warning. A couple of summers ago on my way home from a river trip, with some friends, we decided to go around at random and start with- "When I am old I shall wear purple and..." then add on. It is a memory for some reason that stands out to me. The laughing, silly comments, and thoughts that I had.
When I am old I shall wear purple and wear crazy bright pink lipstick.
When I am old I shall wear purple and kiss my husband all the time.
When I am old I shall wear purple and do the splits and cartwheels.
When I am old I shall wear purple and swear. (I thought I would. I don't think I will anymore.)
When I am old I shall wear purple and go barefoot.
When I am old I shall wear purple and dance just because.
When I am old I shall wear purple and jump on my bed.
When I am old I shall wear purple and act senile just to get a rise out of my children.
When I am old I shall wear purple and laugh loud and long. Maybe a hackle or two.
When I am old I shall wear purple and keep my hair long and white.
When I am old I shall wear purple and have sleepovers with my grandchildren.
When I am old I shall wear purple and probably smell. :) haha
When I am old I shall wear purple and go skinny dipping. "Bare Wrinkles" :)
When I am old I shall wear purple and sing loud not caring what it sounds like.
When I am old I shall wear purple and spend quality time with my family.
When I am old I shall wear purple and have dinner club.
When I am old I shall wear purple and explore.
When I am old I shall wear purple and go skydiving.
When I am old I shall wear purple and wear non matching clothes... or better yet extremely matching clothes with those grandma shoes.
When I am old I shall wear purple and sit on my porch.
When I am old I shall wear purple and have a garden consisting of anything imagined.
When I am old I shall wear purple and tell stories to my grandchildren.
When I am old I shall wear purple and listen. Giving XOXO's :)

Found this on my mirror...

Kate,
I love you!! Sorry I left you, but hopefully I'll see you there.
Kami

(when I die this is what I'd say to you 02/23/06)


HAD TO LAUGH! :)

Burnt out and Summer goodness

Its come to that point in the semester where I am totally burnt out. I feel no motivation even though I know I have to do things. I am super tired and just want to sleep. I had the experience of wishing that the week would be over and summer would be here. I am just burnt out at the moment but have resolved to only allow this behavior this week and than kick it into action once again. What a waste of Education if you don't learn anything. So I am learning! :) Speaking of summer though. I have lately had this feeling that something wonderful is going to happen. Other than from what I am anticipating. I don't know... its a wierd feeling. Something that I will decide to do or what I will do this summer is going to affect me greatly. Not only that but what I decide will have an impact on if this "certain something" happens. I have no clue what it is but feel this sense of happiness. Simple happiness. Hard to explain. I just know that I need to prepare myself for anything. Be ready to jump when necessary. All that I know now is that I will be up here at school doing my intern and graduating this summer. So we will see.

Michael Vartan (Vaughn)... I love him.

http://vartan-web.com/photos/displayimage.php?album=98&pos=0

Go to link to see him up close and adorable! :)

Star

So on my way down to Utah two billboards just stuck to me. Eye catching. I couldn't get them out of my thoughts. The first one said- ESCAPE THE WORLD. I began to think of all sorts of wonderful things. I imagined sitting on top of the car with my arms opened wide, closing my eyes and letting the air brush past me. Sweet smelling and wonderful. Then I would jump, flying around. Where? around the buildings twirling, flipping, speeding up and slowing down, flying high as I could and end up not where I had began but rather, on a star. I imagined the star like how we draw them...A huge bright warm star. (not some fire ball.) :) And there I would stay. Sit and think. Looking at the whole scheme and smile. The second billboard I thought said Research HOPE. I thought as I passed that- Maybe I should. Why not? But coming closer to it and realizing it actually said- Research=HOPE. Still it stuck with me. :) What a great drive!

Don't kill. It only leads to death.

Valentine

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.



William Shakespeare

(1564 - 1616)

Wrinkles forever...

Today I couldn't help but notice my hands. How could anyone ever love these wrinkly old hands!

100 MPH on Kates Dip!

Kami... welcome to the club! :)

John Milton

Sabrina fair
Listen where thou art sitting
Under the glassie, cool, translucent wave,
In twisted braids of Lillies knitting
The loose train of thy amber-dropping hair,
Listen for dear honour's sake,
Goddess of the silver lake,
Listen and save.

Today

Woke up, did homework, put on some pants, left with Kami, filled air in tires, Kami "forced" me to go to Idaho Falls, ate at the first Italian or Chinese restaurant we could find, ended up at a chinese place, by fate decided what we ate, Kami ended up with chow mein/mandarin chicken, I ended with chow mein/fried rice (picked that three times randomly by spinning around the menu and then choosing with my eyes closed), recieved our fortunes which Kami said would be our destiny!, laughed at the outcome, next drove to icecream, talked to a girl who loved the truffle kind, wierd ha, drove to the temple, parked and ran across the street, played by the river, walked on the river! (Its true), Felt like a kid, laughed, scared, survived, drove home, pumped iron, ran, watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (amazing), made Valentines, did poetry night in candle light, took a shower, poofy hair, no makeup, glasses, barefeet, sitting on bed, talking randomly about life dreams with Kami. Ahhhhh! What a day. I woke up not knowing what I would be doing and I have loved it all.









(The top fortune was for Kami. Good luck! ha, the second one is mine... but considering how the top one was farse I don't really have anything concrete to believe mine is not farse as well. hahaha And besides what kind of fortunes are these anyways! Ha)

So I finally put up some of the links. They are all wonderful great people! Go and see goodness! More will come lata :)

Time

Never hear a single word I say
Just thinking about the last day that I spent with you….
That I spent with you

Had a smile just the other day
quickly it, it went away
it was not with you…
it was not with you

Getting sick of this old town
I only see what I’ve lost and found since I’ve been with you…
Since I’ve been with you

Wandered down to the bridge
Stop and take a look over the edge
And I still miss you…
And I still miss you

And I know the time has come
Its’ all over and done
Headin out along my way
And I’ll keep on looking for a better day
So I can take my time…

Sky ain’t blue, grass ain’t green
Beauty just don’t mean a thing when it’s not with you…
And it’s not with you

The leaves move, the wind blows
Forget things that I used to know
when I’m not with you…
and I am not with you

Nothing really seems to get in my way
Except for when I start to pray
and I pray for you…
I still pray for you

This road won’t take me to your house anymore
The windows locked, you’ve closed your doors
And I’m not with you…
No I am not with you

And I know the time has come
Its’ all over and done
Headin out along my way
And I’ll keep on Looking for a better day
So I can take my time…
Take my time….
From you

--Song Written and Preformed by Nathan Eugene Mecham (a freakin genius) I love this song! Nate last night preformed this song at the Singers Songwriters and well... I just love it. He rocked the Casbah! :) Go to http://natemecham.com to hear it and more!

Ficus take two... (but with wings)

Introducing- Vincent Rothko Nygel Jamal Jr. Wilthur! Or for short- Petey, Pheonix, Doc, green thing, Joey, or psycho.... So Kami and I got crazy last night and after spending a day looking for decent sunday shoes and scanning over random poems at the book store we bought our new roommate! (The only thing we could really decide on) HA! Go to get shoes and a good book and end up with an exremely funny, intelligent, good looking friend!

Two things-

So I have two things to add for today- one being that yesterday I was able to take the psychological IQ test that my girls and all the juveniles on campus have to take at the JCC. It is apart of their O&A (observation and assessment) It took 2 1/2 hours! (granted it was an intern learning how to give the test)- What I got out of it was that I feel alot of pressure to get the answers out quick, because they time you on some parts, that I sometimes sacrifice thinking the questions out fully and instead blurt out the first answer I think is correct. I felt dumb realizing this seconds after it was already too late. So I had to laugh. I felt so stupid and yet here are these kids who have to take this. Who don't want to be there... it wasn't some fun thing to try out. So if I am feeling stupid about it and wanted to do it I can only imagine how they feel in the same situation. It was cool to see the different kinds of tests they do in the process as well as what areas I am better at as compared to others. I also noticed that on some where it is up to me to give an answer I second guess myself alot. I knew I did this but it felt very apparent as I took the IQ test.

Also- As I was at my intern my Sister in Law and Brother called to tell me what they were having! I had to wait until 9 to call them back and predicted. They are having a BOY!!!! Due on June 20th! I am so stoked! This is the first nephew and can't wait! I am sure he will be drop dead good looking considering the girls are! :) I remember when Steph had Faith up in Washington and getting to watch the tape of it. It was 2:30 in the morning and I had just barely had gotten home from Olympic practice to find the tape waiting for me. So I popped it in and watched as Faith was born. I balled. Then Taylor was born. I was able to be there when the event actually happened. Beautiful. I mean there are really no words to describe the feelings you have as a new baby is born. At least no words to fully describe it anyway. Angels where there for sure and a rush of love and magnitude for this kid! Maybe I am a sap for it. A baby story on TLC makes me cry! ha It is just amazing and wonderful. I am super super excited for my little nephew to be born! They are going to name him Wright Jr. after my Dad and his Dad! :) WAHOO!

Here we find ourselves

Every day on my way to work I cross this bridge that goes over a beautiful river. I smile every time as I see it getting closer into view because I secretly love that moment the most out of the whole drive. I smile, chuckle to myself, kinda wiggle my shoulders and then breathe in the freezing air seeping in through my window as I cross over the best part of my journey! I think we need to notice how lucky we have it. How beautiful and wonderful a thing called- life is. My intern has really changed my perspective on things. I need to start being less stubborn, more helpful, take more leaps, sing more songs, laugh longer and harder, walk barefoot all I want, thank my friends and family for all they portray, look and see... Its a wonderful world out there and I am just beginning to see some things only for the first time. I am here for a reason... and am going to find out why.

Ahhhh Yes

Why does it feel so nice to get your back scratched/massaged or have some one play with your hair?! I think I am just a person who needs that kind of interaction. It calms me down... lets me relax and think. Sorta a stress management sort of thing. Ha... this sounds so funny reading over it but really... I love it! I am sure most people do.

Great News!

Did you know that besides marijuana helping to treat seizures, asthma,and preventing nausea in cancer patients it also helps with- Glaucoma! The active ingredient, tetrahydrocannabinols(thc), acts as a "vaso dilator" to de-clogg your eyes thus helping to prevent blindness or loss of peripheral vision!

My new saying as of now has been, "Man... I just need my marijuana!" ha It hasn't gotten to the point where I need it or anything but learning about the possible things to help prevent it was found- interesting.

So should drugs be used in certain situations? Why?

Yep

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

Warning!- long leg hair and molestor stache :)

The bet- see who could go the longest without shaving. Guys- mustaches, Girl- legs.
The contestants- Kate, Mike and Anthony
Starting Date- Oct. 31, 2005
Times- Mike dropped out after a week.
Anthony gave in the 22 of Dec. but told me he hadn't shaved yet so....
I did not shave until Jan. 10, 2006.
Awards-First to drop had to pay for milkshakes for the others
Between the last two... A date(dinner and movie) paid by the loser.

I think I deserve it. My legs were hairy. Beautiful in its own way... but hairy. ha (Click on Picture for a "closer" look) :)

And so it is. :)

Your Laughter

Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.

Pablo Neruda

Wouldn't you know- while working on my computer randomly this poem popped up that I had saved from last year. I love this poem! I found it in a book store by randomly picking up a book turning to any page and then reading what kind of goodness it was filled with. I sure do like it! :)

Happy 2006!

Going on my record for last years goals- Floss more, take out contacts more, SEE THE WORLD. I think I did fairly well. I did floss more and took out my contacts more than I might have. I definetly "saw the world" a whole new way this past year. So many things changing, so many things learned. I was opened up to some harsh realities and some great experiences and memories. I did get to try the egg nog as I had wanted. I did drive a tractor! I said things I should have long ago. I have fulfilled some of my goals that I have had on a list entitled- 50 things to do before I die! ha... It has been a grand adventure that is for sure! So on with the next year. As Adam D. might say... Its been a long December and there is reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last. :) Some definite goals focused on for this year of 2006 are- 1. Read the Bible and D&C again, 2. Go do baptisms once a month at least, 3.Take my contacts out every night due to borderline Glaucoma bit, 4. Graduate with a bachelors in Social Work, 5. Focus on others more, 6.Smile more, laugh more... There are more but those are ones I MUST do. Anyways. There is the scoop for now. ;)

10 going on 22

It's true. I have gone back to fourth grade to relive. I now have bangs. Don't know what to do with them quite yet but the bangs have won.

Merry Christmas!

This one is for you...

Batman- "Line of the Night" awarded to Scotty Potty

"That very event traumitized him for the rest of his life and caused him to dress like a bat."

Sad and funny all at the same time.

Anna-an inspired writer and lovely sister poo

"Right before I got out of dance tonight, the snowstorm stopped. I was driving on Pepperwood Drive on the way to my house when I realized what a beautiful thing snow is. You have to endure through this horrible cold flurries of snow throwing themselves at you..but the end result is well worth it. Everything was covered in white, and so were the roads. It was just all white. Put the white with the white (and accents of colored) christmas lights and there was a picture perfect winter snowscape. I was in complete awe of my surroundings. I turned the music off and rolled down my window and breathed the chilled refreshing air as I listened to the silence outside. "


--I was checking up on my sisters little journal of hers online and came across this. I love it. She is awesome and amazing, acrobatic, able, animalistic, artistic, apple eater, annoying (in a good way), adventureous, available, a-hottie... ha ha (Get it- "A" words... for "A"nna) I love you Anna Banana. -Soda, soda, banana- :)

I once was lost, but now i'm found...

If I could only do one thing- It would be to love my family and love them fully. I always have these moments or realizations when I focus sometimes on "unreal" ideas or trivial things too much and little prayers are answered with what really matters. With my family I am happy. Its simple. The look my nieces give my when I tuck them in bed. The "I love you's", the jokes, the moments. If heaven is even the slightest bit like it is when I am with my family... that is all I need.

It's Official

Taylor Mae = Poop in my bed

Bono...

How can you not cry when in the presence of this man?! It's impossible. The concert was amazing! I sprained my ankle, sang my heart out, danced like a fool, and cried like a baby. Good tunes, good company, good times!

Just Got Home. Finals are done.

It's so strange how things change with in a year. How you have grown and learned. I am still amazed that it has already been a year. A year! It doesn't seem that it has been that long! This time last year I was goofing with my family,wearing a fijian outfit, waiting. Things this time around are completely different. It's weird. I am not sure I like it right now. In time, hopefully(tomorrow), my perspective will have changed. :)

For now- off to watch a Christmas movie with mi madre y hermana

From the Heart

So this year I decided to do all my gifts for my family the old fashioned way and make them all. Very creative huh? *wink wink* I think it means more...for me at least, because I am putting alot more effort into it. I can't seem to finish one item for Anna's gift though (which I would write about but can't considering that she reads this). Its a bit frustrating at times because I wish more artsy but I love making it all though. Crafts are great! :) There is pleasure in giving someone something that you made for them especially. Made with a whole lot of love! Merry Homemade Christmas! I love you.

Fresh Air

As I sat in the back of an old Toyota truck I stared out the back window watching the snow twirl and spin like fog/mist being disturbed, having a hand rush through it. I love that. Its one of my favorite things about winter and fall- when the snow and leaves spiral in the gust.
As I looked out the window I felt I had been there before. Not that I literally had been there but felt so familiar with it all. I felt that is where I loved to be. With the suns' warm glaze on my face. I felt comfortable…
Like a long awaited exhale.
Enjoying the moment I blinked and realized we would keep on going.
Wait! Stop! I want to stay here!...
I watched as that place of so much familiar-ness escaped my view trailing along with it, a snow covered road. I guess at that point I realized that where I had been was a wonderful place but I can’t control that the scenery has now changed. So I accept it.

Three Amigos!

"I suppose you could say that everyone has an El Guapo. For some, shyness may be an El Guapo. For others, lack of education may be an El Guapo. But for us, El Guapo is a large ugly man who wants to kill us!"

May ye all conquer your El Guapos! :)

Christmas Devotional 2005

I couldn't help but think to myself- Am I serving as I should? I mean do I serve as selflessly as I could? Around this wonderful Christmas time the spirit of service is so prevelant and recognized where as, throughout the whole rest of the year it isn't always so outspoken. Service goes on yes, but it seems that the spirit of it all is different. I thought about how, as a Social Worker, I help through service through out the whole year but how much do I really help with that self same "spirit of service" that is around the Holidays? I am determined to push myself to serve with that same spirit, that same intent that I would then- NOW.

Also- As Pres. Hinckley talked and read from 3rd Nephi... It reminded me of our "Tour Theme"- One By One. One by one we will know of a surety that it is He. I am thankful for the challenge that we have been given to read the Book Of Mormon with in the year. I am thankful for the Knowledge, Guidance, Comfort that it has given me to read the words on those pages. As I really focused on what it was teaching me, life situations where clearer and understood more. It helped me to forgive. It helped me to let go. It helped me, ultimately, to realize that I need to give myself to God. Do all I can and look to him. I am thankful for all that I have learned with in this past year.

This devotional was amazing to me! It hit the spot and the Music was moving! Christmas time here we come! :)

Intern = Me

What gets me really excited lately is thinking about my internship. I just had an interview for it this past Friday and all I can really say- is that I left with a huge smile on my face! I literally screamed in my car as I backed out of the parking lot to drive home due to the excitement that I felt. I have a feeling this internship is going to teach me a lot. I am going to be working with individuals such as- boys and girls, the mentally ill, sex offenders/predators, drug and alcohol addicts. Basically Juvenile Delinquents! Its going to be great! The place of residence for all these fine people is called the JCC (the Juvenile Corrections Center). As I talked with my boss he asked me why I wanted to go into Social Work.... My reply was simple- Doesn't Everyone!... I am so excited and so scared and so happy with the choice I have made to become a Social Worker. There is sooooooooooooo much to do and help with. That is what I am looking foward to!

Wrinkles with Love

I love Frank Sinatra! I, a couple of years ago, sat Nancy down and made her listen to Frankie with me saying that one day when she was old and crumpled... She would dance with her husband to this song in their kitchen as he sang it softly into her ear. Needless to say Nancy now loves that song. :) Hopefully everyone can experience that in their own kitchens when they are crumpled cute.

"If I don't see her each day, I miss her
Gee, what a thrill each time I kiss her
Believe me, I've got a case
On Nancy, with the laughin' face

She takes the winter and she makes it summer
And summer could take a few lessons from her
Picture a tomboy in lace
That's Nancy with the laughin' face

Did you ever hear mission bells ringing?
Well, she'll give you the very same glow
When she speaks you would think it was singing
Just hear her say "hello"

I swear to goodness, you can't resist her
Sorry for you, she has no sister
No angel could replace
Nancy, with the laughin' face"
-Frank Sinatra

... it was written for his daughter, Nancy, when she was a baby...

And then there was just you...

Traditions!

I am so thankful for all the wonderful traditions my family has for celebrating certain events, holidays, experiences. Today we are heading down to one of my all time favorite traditions. Every year, the day after Thanksgiving, the whole side of my moms family drives down to Manti. We stay is some little motel and eat nasty restaurant food. It is awesome! We all today... go to the Manti Temple (my all time favorite) and get to do baptisms for the dead for our family members. I can't explain it, but being in the temple with more than 50 people from your family, all dressed in white, having your family members baptise you... man... it brings tears to my eyes. As a child I would hate going down. Since it always happened to be over my birthday weekend I felt I never really got to spend any time doing what I wanted to do. I laugh at that now because this is the one thing I really do want to do now! -Saturday we will spend the day searching for a perfect little, humble Christmas tree to decorate for our home. What a tradition! I love my family. I am so thankful.

Thankful

Skipbo

Grandma says, "You know, good luck with cards means bad luck with love."
Me- "I agree completely."

I kicked everyones trash.

Pride and Prejudice

In between the gobbling (no pun intended... ha) up of our thanks my family went to the movies. I really enjoyed this one. Probably because I so often imagine myself wanting to be in a scenario like that. Live like that, talk like that... ha. Its a fairytale. Ya know... the ones you wish would happen to you now. Sure it might be full of fluff but why not! Why not imagine that things will turn out just like a fairy tale? And as much as I know that it might not happen like that for me. I really wish I had a Mr. Darcy who would call me his.

"Looking around at the crumpled snot filled kleenex's covering my bed and floor, thinking, why in the hell am I still here?"

-Anonymous

(I know... graphic wording for me. I apologize)

Do you want me to tell you that I can’t concentrate? That I cry everytime I am alone? That I can’t believe that you really don’t want to do something to prove what you say? That I can’t let go? That I feel hurt and depressed. Why? Because Cody. I loved you. Have you ever felt that burst in your chest where it feels like you can’t move. I have. The other day I felt it before I had class and tried to ignore it. It burst. My heart broke literally. Didn’t think I was so emotionally attached did you? Didn’t think that even after 9 months of nothing I would still feel this way… I am not whole. I am incomplete. I am undone. I am unsung and completely colorblind. I want to take a hand and build a tower in the sky. You once said that you know. But now I think you said it just because you are one of those hopeless romantics. I believed it you know. I took every word you said and swallowed it whole. “Some day he will know… some day we will be together and our hands will meet”. But as my heart broke yesterday and crumpled, it felt as though you had died. I realized that even if I couldn’t have you to love forever I can’t even have you as a friend. I wrote in my journal at a seminar years and years ago that I was scared I would never realize the person I loved because of how I fear. How I questioned. I prayed every night to know. I wet my pillow with my tears and finally in January I realized… and you were gone. I did exactly what I feared. I feel like I have lost everything and the death of you is something I knew would be painful. I don’t know how to get closure from this Cody. Because to me my feelings won’t change. But I will not be taken for words. I will not thrive on hope that maybe you will feel the same. You don’t know. You do nothing. Nothing is something. I know how you are when you want something bad enough. You have a passion to do things. You once showed that to me. And now that you don’t it answers what I wished wasn’t. Maybe I hurt you too bad. I can’t help but think that this was all my fault. As I drove to your house in Spokane. Nate told me of how your mother told me not to break your heart. I never had any intention of doing so. I would never want to do that. And it pains me to know that I did in some way or another. People tell me that we are great people, just not together. And to tell you the truth that only dug the dagger deeper. Maybe its true cody. Maybe I am blind to what I should see. Why can’t I just get over it? Why do I think that what others say isn’t true? Its because I love you.

its not always what it seems

Woke up this morning...

The cold air stung my cheeks, and I shoved my hands deeper into my jacket. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the snow sparkle in the sunlight. I looked up and noticed that the sky was a deep, clear blue. The trees stood tall and strong along the road. Suddenly I was amazed by the incredible beauty of the day. I looked around for someone to share it with, but none of my neighbors were in their yards enjoying the weather. In fact, the street was empty.

It wasn’t a wonderful summer morning or a crisp fall afternoon or even a quiet winter night, but this day was beautiful in its own way. And I began to understand about beauty.

Why Not Beautiful? Diane L. Mangum

Lately one of my favorite things to do is after classes are over and I have to cram in the computer lab I love to turn on some good tunes and google my project. Great tunes, new info, and nothing else to distract me. I like it even better when I walk home late at night and it is dark just listening to the music running through my ear phones and playing in the fallen leaves dispersed all over campus. I love that. Oh wait! get this- At night, sweet wind is blowing, bundled up in a bunch of coats- sweaters- hats- whatever, Listening to good tunes, walking in yellow leaves (but some are, of course, swirling around you due to the wind.) Man that is just a perma smile right there. Gotta love it!

If I could give this to just one person...

Despite the confusion, unknown, hard words/hard experiences, heart break, death, indecisiveness, tears-- I have never felt happier. Right here! Right now! Wierd to say sorta... I look at all these emotionally intense struggling experiences I have had in my life and still can sit here and say that I am happy? It feels like it is imbedded into the core of me. (Sorta feels like the effects of my blushing rash, but is constantly there!) I hope everyone knows they can feel like that too.

How wonderfully splendid.

Barefoot, Carefree Orphan

Last night Brittany and I were on my bed talking to Shalie about her boyfriend. She pulled out this little chapstick container she had. It fell on the bed so of course I picked it up and took a sniff. It smelt like watermelon. Shalie said it took her back to last winter. She made me smell it again.... She said, "I don't know. When I put this on it just takes me back to last winter, American Manor E1 and all of it."

What would it be like if we had items where we could put it on and all of a sudden the memory is staring us right in the face just like it was real once again? Rushing us with all those feelings, thoughts, ideas...

I think I don't need things to do that sometimes with certain instances. They seem so real to me and so up front in my memory that they feel like I had just experienced them for the first time. I am good with certain memories... I guess the ones that really affected me on a level. I remember the clothes, the smell, the looks, the things said, the feeling, sometimes the day, sometimes the time, the lighting... all in all the memory.

I sometimes think it is a wonderful thing to have. To be able to just think of an instance and remember it so clearly. But on the other hand its horrible.

Sometimes I wish I could just get amnesia and forget all the things I don't want to remember.
Sometimes I think that would be better. But then again I know it wouldn't just because- you learn something from everything... even if nothing.

Without all my experiences and memories- wanted and not wanted, I would not be the same.

Once instance I would want to go back to would be when I was about eleven. Wandering in the strange trees behind my house and in the gully. It seemed so adventurous and scary. I would often pretend I was an indian or a run away orphan where I would have to live off the land to survive.

One day in particular I was playing my role as usual when I came across a curious tree. I was barefoot, had grass stains on my left knee and hadn't brushed my hair for at least a couple of days. As I saw this tree I squinted- It looked like a magical tree... a moving tree. As I got closer to the tree I found hundreds, even millions, it seemed like of caterpillars! I love caterpillars. So curious I was that I grabbed a few with my little krumpled hands and examined them. I named those few but quickly decided to take the names back so the others wouldn't feel bad. And from that day forth I would go back to my secret home in the forest and talk with my squirmy friends.

It was a fun time. It was a magical time.

I remember coming back the next year... expecting my friends to all be there once again to find- nothing. But everytime I saw a butterfly after, I was sure it was one of my friends with no name.

Undone. Unsung. Colorblind.

Rain

There is just something about rain that I LOVE!!! I seriously think people find me too wierd to describe sometimes because when it rains I don't know what happens... I get all giddy and smile from ear to ear. I prefer not to wear jackets and just let the rain seep in. I love it when your face and head gets so wet that the water accumulates around your brow and the water droplets drip off your chin. I don't know why I like it so much but I do. It made my day even that much better. So as the bells of the clock struck one today, on campus, I walked happily on my way with no jacket and water all over. Lets not even get started on how wonderful and refreshing the smell is as well. I don't know but I LOVE RAIN!!!! maybe too much could get a little depressing but as of right now I say, "Bring it on!" So if it is raining in any area you are in... Go play and laugh and smile and soak the wetness in. But if your not such a big "getting wet" fan- sit by the window and watch it fall. That is always great too.

Stall #2

Ever wonder why you pick a certain bathroom stall? I usually pick the second one in. I don't know why though.

Today I went in to use the bathroom and found my stall occupied. I didn't know what to do. I thought about going in the one next to it but thought maybe it was to close to the visitor, of my stall, next door. So I went two over. Why? No clue.

We are creatures of habit I suppose. We like comfort. Its like at church- those families that have a specific row they sit on every week.

You know what? I am going to change the comfort level... try a new stall.... sit where someone usually sits.... Change isn't bad. People just want to be comfortable.

I think its time everyone gets comfortable with uncomfortable.

....Then uncomfortable wouldn't be at all.

Demolition Derby Madness!

Just some funness in St. Anthony. Thats Brittany, Wendy, Me and Kyle. And if you didn't notice in the car mess picture- number 86 was named Nate. He caused the wreck. And That is Amy and me. She almost made me pee my pants the other night. What great fun!

Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul And sings the tune without the words And never stops at all.

--Emily Dickenson

Ten Bucks says you're not as cool as my Sis!

Enough said...

Thankful

What do you say? I mean really? Some thoughts are meshed into my head and well I don't really know how to get them out in a way that everyone would understand. I guess I am just thankful. I am thankful for friends who truly understand me, who don't care if I am "boring". Who accept me and all the stupid silly quirks that are embedded in me. I am thankful. I am thankful that I am able to attend a college. I am thankful to be able to always know I can talk to someone if I need too. I am thankful for a family that loves me. Who with out I probably would be lost. I am thankful for the truthfulness of this wonderful Gospel. I am thankful for missionaries and what they do and stand for. I am thankful for people who care, for grass that grows, for winds that talk, and for the wonders that make them selves apparent at the just the right time. I don't know what to really say... What do you say? Thank you? That just doesn't even give it justice to how I feel...

I lifted my back... because it hurt so bad.
Is it a belly belt?
I didn't know if you were a boy...
Chalupa!!!
What are those ladies doing? Are they harvesting?
My feet reek... sorry
urine and Kate match today
young...shy...oh me oh my
I really like your soap! It reminds me of my Grandma.
Lets see if she has make out face.
I will never never never write a song about...

Wow... I mean really... I really can't express how great church was today. I tried to sleep on my deck for the past two nights but friday- it was raining and last night I attempted but after hours and hours of wind filling my sleeping bag I moved into the family room. One thing I do remember was waking up last night and seeing the night sky perfectly. I could have stayed up all night just staring. I woke up, now in my family room, to my grandma who was going to church with the fam. It was a pleasant surprise. I actually ended up going to the singles ward to see Paul and Josh but ended up only staying for two hours and then driving up the canyon for that last hour. I know that I am super dramatic at times but I felt like I needed that drive. It was something I always used to do to think. I couldn't help but smile. Well- as I was driving up, there was an accident. This poor little squirrel was caught between me and the side of the road that he wanted to be on... so I put on my brakes to let him run across. I think though that this only confused the poor thing, considering that because alot of people probably don't stop for his friends, why would I. Well I thought he made it across and I went to preceed on my way when- SMACK.... I felt a bump and knew what I had just done!!!! I killed my friend. I really felt like that too. I remember its face right before and clasped my hands to my mouth not knowing what to do. I felt horrible. I had to leave the scene. I had done it and couldn't fix it. I felt kinda helpless... I hate that. The rest of the ride went smoothly though... I rolled down the windows and sang my guts out. Later after dinner and play time with the nieces I walked out onto my deck to take in the night moving in. It was windy as ever. I love that. I don't know. Maybe I am crazy but I really think it was talking to me. The wind that is. Just reasurring I guess. -- that sounds so silly. Anyway. I thought it time for a sunday walk and left to watch the storm roll in while doing so. It was great. So beautiful. First the wind talked and now it was the lightnings and thunderings turn to take a shot. So some would say that it was a dark and stormy night but well.... what a beautiful, dark and stormy night! I brought a jacket expecting some rain and got what I wanted. I love the rain!!!! I love the smell of it, the feel of it... everything! I couldn't wear my flip flops any longer and so I went barefoot. I plucked two sunflowers for my sister since we did celebrate her 16th birthday today and headed home. The rain was crazy and as I got home my sister changed to come play but by the time she got out there the rain was ending. Poop. I love my sister. I know I have written soooo much but well I have alot to say and this doesn't go to deep into all that I experienced. I loved it though. I think I will try to sleep on my deck again. Ciao

Welcome Rexburg

Yesterday was one of those days where you just want to be quiet and take it all in. I had a break during one of my classes and instead of staying in the stuffy inside I decided to venture. I didn't know where but needed to escape. I found my place in the gardens. Not by the flowers, or the fountains... but next to the many wonderous apple trees. Apple trees bring back so many memories that I debated if I really wanted to think about them. But being that I loved them I sat, pulled out East of Eden and plucked one little apple out of the tree and began to read. Something about it was so wonderful to me. No one was there and the warm sun was shining bright. (Where I had to take a few minutes just laying on my back and dreaming). Just me.... with a fresh apple and a great book.

School has begun... and I think I am going to like it.

"And just then she wanted to be someone who sits in a pasture with another someone and eats cold ham on potato bread... So they did."

--The Goose Girl, Shannon Hale

Decisions... Little by little!

I write tonight because I have made one of my many unknowns a "known". It still takes me by surprise every time I think about it but also have a reassurance that it is what I need to do. I have decided(yes... decided) not to dance this last year at BYUI. I love to dance. I always will. It has burrowed a place into my heart, but as I was driving to the Temple this morning I knew what needed to be done. Seriously an answer I have been praying for! I am scared in a very thrilling way and who knows... maybe I will not depend on other things so much. Maybe this is the time to really rediscover Kate with out the basics she has always had. A time to learn new things, to try new things, to "see the world" in a different way.

I am not going to write until school starts. I feel like I write and write maybe a little too much. But I am heading up to Oregon so can't anyways. Hope everyone is having a lovely end to a beautiful summer! Love you all.

Love em'

-Raspberries come in many colors besides red: there are also black, purple and gold raspberries.
-Raspberries belong to the genus Rubus, which is a part of the Rose family. Cultivated raspberries have been derived mainly from two species, the wild red raspberry (Rubus ideaus) and black raspberry (Rubus occidentalis). Purple type is a cross between the black and red raspberry, and yellow type is a mutant red raspberry.
-Raspberries are a very healthy food; they are high in fiber and Vitamin C and naturally have no fat, cholesterol or sodium. They are also a good source of iron and folate (which is used especially in treatment of low red blood cells or anemia).
-Raspberries contain a natural substance called ellagic acid, which is an anti-carcinogenic (cancer-preventing) compound.
-Raspberry tea was said to be a cure for dysentery during the Civil War. During outbreaks of dysentery, temporary truces were declared to allow both Union and Confederate soldiers to "go raspberrying" to forgage for raspberries to ward off the disease.
-Raspberries were enjoyed by the ancient Greeks, who believed them to be a cure for diseases of the mouth and throat, as well as a preventative against many ailments, including gout.
-The raspberry leaf was also used as an early hair dye, having been recommended by Culpeper, the English herbalist, to be boiled in a lye solution in order to "maketh the hair black".
-Researchers have known for quite some time that berries contain antioxidants which help to fight cancer causing free radicals. A study at the University of Ohio has found that black berries are the most potent cancer fighting berries of them all, by nearly 40 percent!
-There are over 200 species of raspberries.
-Raspberries can be grown from the Arctic to the equator.

Poetry night with Nancy and Kathleen

My eyes are open and opening still
You close your mouth but still... hear the sound
I'm not pretending
I'm hidden deep
Sunken, shadowed... swallowed whole

Ha ha! I laugh everytime I think about "poetry night." I was on my way back to Kathleens apt. and was talking to her on the phone. I asked her what she was doing and she told me she was writing a poem. I asked her if it was by candle light and she replied saying no. Well I got to her apt. and no lights were on. Just candle light. :) Nancy was there and began to write a poem so I quickly dropped my things wrote for about 30 seconds and that is what came out. ha ha... We all had to read ours outloud and had to explain why we wrote it. It was funny and really really great. I love em!

Inside the cover of A Midsummer Nights Dream

Laura,

A hug when in darkness is the light that makes our path dear and gives strength to take the first step.

CMCM
(Columbian Exchange Student)

Cutie Pa-Tooties

Just another weekend.... Red Castle Lakes

So Long, Farewell

I just want to say goodbye to all.... (all the one peoples who read this really) :) I, sadly, will not be writing in this until a later date due to some adventures that I am forced to attend.... I don't want to. I hate fun. And I hate not here. Goodbye! I will catch you up later on the goodness. Peace.

Sister Nancy Brinton- San Antonio, Texas

Random Pictures.... The Farewell, The Counrty Club, Goodbye Party, After being set apart.... Bye Fancy Nancy! Good Luck on you mission!

Previous Post

Every question I randomly picked -A,B,C, or D. So by chance I got that score. How much of what others get on tests is really by chance or for real. This is just one reason I believe that grades are not everything. Sometimes I think people get "status" for their grades and such but some times that really just doesn't matter.

Free IQ pop up at work...

Congratulations Kate!
Your IQ score is 120

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Inspired Inventor. This means you've got exceptional verbal and mathematical skills, and are very good at brainstorming new ideas. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

Random Phone Conversation today at work

"Nothing in this world is free... even if they say it is"

He isn't meaning our fore fathers fighting for us. He meant money... I don't know. I just find it sad. Happiness doesn't require money. A mothers love doesn't come by money. We have alot that is free with no money included. Unless, that is, my friends our getting paid to be my friends... :)

Ship in my mouth

I was playing "sick" with my nieces yesterday outside on our deck. Faith made me lay down got a blanket, tucked me in and began to observe me. She was prepared with her little mermaid sound book, heart sticky notes, and an imaginatory sick or not sick detector. I asked her what I had. She said, "Kate...oh! You have ship in your mouth!" I kinda thought maybe she was swearing and asked her again to see if I had heard it right... but nope- I have ship in my mouth. I know. I wasn't prepared to here this kind of news. Faith then pointed down to her book and pointed to a ship button which began to make "ship noises" whatever those might be. I moaned and groaned seeming that this is what ship in the mouth feels like and right away Faith put on her "mom" face and took care of me until the sick or not sick detector(which is just faiths hand skimming my face) told me I was alright for then.

I knew something was wrong with me and now Faith has found it. I have ship in my mouth. Its rare really. But don't worry Taylor gave me a heart sticky so hopefully I will fully recover.

Cleaning my room...

-Damien Rice
-four copies of four books I already had
-25 pairs of used dance shoes
- 2 bags of unneeded clothing
- unopened letter, written by me, found to be opened when I turned 18.
-2 garbage bags
-9 photo albums
-2 watches
-7 Journals
-4 unmatched socks
-3 of my fav tshirts found by my little sis (who was also sanitizing her room)
-2 bugs
and
- one voice changer

Some one once said

"If at times you feel like you are in a clothes washer being thrashed and jumbled all about, simply turn off the washing machine, and get out of it."

But what if you think it is worth it to stick it out?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

If you didn't already know... President Hinckley's 95th birthday is tomorrow. I was able to go to his "dress rehearsal" birthday tonight. It was amazing!!!! I mean really wow! I cried. :) Just shows what a man with the Lord can do and how music is such a powerful tool and art form. Can we all just sit back for a second and realize how lucky we are. I mean we are in the presence of great men, great people. There are others all over the world that might not ever get a chance to see them face to face or be in the same proximity as we do. This night not only confirmed once again that Gordon Bitner Hinckley is a man of God, Prophet, Seer and Revelator but that this Gospel and church is also very, VERY true. I am proud that I can say I know this wonderful man. Happy Birthday President Hinckley.

Rachael Yamagata and Ray Lamontagne

Typical

Today in the car with my good friend Paul we were talking about just any average random thing and something he said caught my fancy. :) We are not typical.... No one is. We all are unique. Some people can't see that. I know I have done it in the past and said something like, "You know the typical type of..." But really we are not typical. Typical people are not typical. I like it. I have known it but well realizing for what I do now I like it even more... Its typical.

Lost and Found

What about Hope? ...I miss her.

215

come a little further- why be afraid-
here's the earliest star (have you a wish?)
touch me,
before we perish
(believe that not anything which has ever been invented can spoil this or this instant)
kiss me a little:
the air
darkens and is alive-
o live with me in the fewness of
these colours;
alone who slightly
always are beyond the reach of death

and the English

-- e.e. cummings

Amazing...

This week has just started off super well! Yesterday I got to go boating with some people from work. It was awesome. Even just sitting in a boat and riding around is so worth it to me. I think I like it so much because you feel like you are free, flyin... with the wind on your face and through your hair. I love it. Perma Smile for sure. Then tonight I just went to such an amazing concert! Rachael Yamagata http://www.rachaelyamagata.com/ and Ray LaMontagne http://www.raylamontagne.com/ . It seriously was sooo great! Really deep down and soul-full. I loved it. Will put some pic's up from it but seriously if you have the chance to see them on this tour I totally suggest it. They are great. And since it is only tuesday that is all that I have done. It's rocked. Sometimes you have these moments, well at least I do, where you look around, close your eyes and open them to really see if you are where you think you are. I am. I am here in good ol' Utah. Working and playing and grateful. Good week and good life. The stars have been amazing too. I might just have to find a place to sleep next to them. :) Night

Song #7

Just got home from a good Sunday... Church was what I needed after this week. I don't know why. It just felt good. I then came home, tried to take a nap and ended up going through some things in my room. Next- my grandma and nieces came over to eat. It was scrumptious (the food and the company). Then I left for scripture study. We studied the last three chapters in 2 Nephi. Great chapters, a lot of discussion and insight. Learned part of a song on the piano by Ryan, ate fresh raspberries (which will be apart of my garden when I am old), "played games" with Tommy and Sam. We didn't really play any games... just laughed and goofed off. Then I drove with Cara and talked for a bit. I dropped her off, cranked up a little Natalie Merchant(Tigerlilly CD) and sang with the windows rolled down. Good music...Nice Ride.... I guess she is coming out with a new CD or something. Oh what would it be like to sing amazing like that. But love singing off key or whatever to that goodness. I love it though. I walked in to find cars in the driveway but no one at home. Parents are probably sleeping but everyone else is gone. I felt so awake and there is nobody here to goof off with. So I will type this, get ready for beddy bye, close my eyes and dream. Here, here to Sundays.

Phone Calls

At my job I some days make calls to the clients and answer questions or just confirm info for the retreats. Steve(one of the guys who works here) said, "Have you ever talked with a person that sounds like after you hang up with them they are going to commit suicide?" And yes infact I have. So many interesting people to talk too. Some think you are just trying to sell them something, others love you. Some talk to you about their life story. Some ask you on dates. ha ha. Some seem so happy and relieved that you have called. Others don't speak english. It really is a crack up. I think when you get interesting calls it makes your day even better. It is interesting to be on the other side and be the one calling others. Kinda gives you an apprieciation for it all. Anyways... call me if you want. We can talk about "buisness and stuff" :)

In the name of the Colony!

Well I am off to the wondrous land of Rexburg for this fine fourth of July weekend. It is going to be filled with white water rafting, boating, mtn. biking, fireworks, sushi and more. I don't think anyone really knows, understands, or appreciates all that Idaho can offer until after you have lived there. Every place has it's good things. I bet it is even better in the summertime. Hope all of you have a great Fourth. I proclaim this fourth of July, Independence Day... in the name of the colony! (ha ha...just a little inside joke with my meanest friend! :)) Have fun, be safe, work hard, play hard! Peace out- KATE

Random Typing

Summer has been crazy! I pictured myself in a totally different place in my life than where I am at. Don't get me wrong... where I am is great and beautiful it is just not what I thought it would be like when I pictured it last summer. I work about 8 hours each day with my dad's real estate group doing odds and ends at the office. It's not what I prefer(Outside playing) ha ha... but it pays well and am getting things done. I seem to have all sorts of things to accomplish and never seem to get it all done. But I have narrowed down what I am doing for a while. First I am getting all my pictures organized and then throwing out all the clothes I don't really need. It feels good to get organized. It makes me feel like I have gotten rid of alot of baggage that I held on to for way too long. I am reading and writing and playing of course.
My health has been so so I guess. Something funky is going on though. Both of my Meniscus's are torn apparently in both of my knees, I am having muscle pains in my right shoulder and left leg, my eyelashes keep on falling out(now about three or four times a month) and such... I just feel old in a way. I got aches and pains but nothing to where I wont do what I love. I still hike, bike, climb, swim, just play really. I am thinking the pains will go away and with proper training my knees should heal. Eyelashes? Well I am seeing a doctor about that soon. Life is good. Life is fun.
This past week I was in Calgary, Alberta helping at a real estate investing seminar. On break I was able to go walk around for a bit and loved it. As I walked pass a blues band playing in the open street and seeing random little shops selling their handcrafted things I could not help but love it. It was refreshing. I every now and again get flash backs of walking around random streets like these with very distinct people that I remember. Not that they really did anything too significant but they were there. I like it. It's like a story to me. A movie. But I am the only one that gets to see it. It amazes me how many people there are... All from different places, different backgrounds, lives... It is so interesting. And for one moment I got to step into their world and catch a glimpse of it.
All right I have written alot and boring... Peace out.

Happy Fathers Day!

Fathers Day
Originally uploaded by katet7.

Anne Banane and I got "gourmet" for daddy dearest! He liked it... we liked it...

Eye Bald

Anyone know why somebody's eyelashes would fall out? I have no idea...

Library study

As the shady sun glides across

I looked, I stared, I saw...

I REALIZED

Looking straight into the face of pure escapement and deep understanding

and I asked, "Where am I?"

Searching, analyzing, the hinesight of the innermost me

this being didn't say a word... Silence.

But looking deep with in it's endless sight I felt and knew.

Wrote this after coming home from school one day last September. I just had a long talk with a really good friend of mine and asked her for some simple words. This just came after.

Cara is...

Cara is...
*Random Spontenaety
*Giggles and pure laughter.... Happiness
Cara is...
*Always searching and swimming
*Food for thought
*Optimistically conquering
Cara is...
*Ready laugh
*Open heart
*Sincere eyes
Cara is...
*Loud, open mouthed, but swallows when needed
Cara is...
*Determined, dependable, willing
*unending will she be...
*Long lashed beauty
Cara is
*unselfishly serving
*Always listening... (ears open to all)
Cara is
*Not all reality...she dreams
*a cup of sunlight when rightfully needed
*a fresh breath of October air
Cara is...

"Lets Play"

Let me point out another reason I have the coolest family in the world. Tonight we had are annual "Pay Family Picnic." (That's my whole mom's side) We were one of the first families there and I was bored. So Anna and I played in the river and then hands up stands up.... but the best was when I decided to play on the playground... WITH MY GRANDMA! She went down the slide with me and all. I love it! I love it! I love it! I hope I am like that when I get to be her age. :) Cheers to family!

What I have!

These are the times when nothing else compares to what you have... When you can laugh on hours with out end about something so totally insignificant and tears roll down your cheeks. When you can say and do with out feeling the slightest bothered by who else watches. When all the jumbled mess of what doesn't really matter dissapates and you have those around you who really do matter. When you can sit back and enjoy doing nothing because you are with the people whom you love the most. I love you family. At moments like these... I know what I am thankful for.

Sunday

"It wouldn't hurt so bad if I didn't like him."

I'm Comfy

The saying- "It's all about comfort." Is it? I mean with out getting out of our comfort zones a lot would be unknown, unnoticed... Right?

Kathleens "project"

And as our eyes meet
the crevices encircle my glance and
cling to my soul.
Warm and mysterious
hovering closely as melting fire.
You open your mouth and swallow me whole.
Folding and gathering bundles of dreams
letting them seep one by one into the unimagined.
And as our eyes meet
Known is exactly.
You've seen me...
I smile.

Don't really know what to think... its in a "process" of it's own.

Lies?

I heard someone say, "If your thinking distorted you are thinking a lie." Is that true though? I mean are you really thinking a lie? Because if you already are thinking differently than what should probably be percieved... well unless you know it is a lie than you just don't have all the information? I don't know... just thoughts.