Dang Insecurities!

I have a very VERY difficult time handling situations where I am not understood. I know I have a problem communicating. For years I tried every way to deny it. I would blame others or situations. I would play the 'victim'. I just fought the idea that I, Kate, had the problem. But I do. I am getting better, as the realization has occurred, but still find it hard for me to accept it at times. I want to think that I am not a poor communicator. I would like to think that I do nothing wrong... but that is just not true. I am humanly flawed. I try not to get emotional when I am misunderstood. I hide. I can get stubborn, fight back, second guess or hold on to things said. Not to say that I am never understood, because I find most of the time I am, but when I really feel I want to communicate something precious and important, to me, it can end up that what I was trying to say was not understood or conveyed correctly. Its frustrating and find at those times that I just want to not talk or try again. Obviously, I love talking to much not to do so but feel that maybe I never really will be understood in those 'deeper' parts of me. I can accept that. I just want that so badly. I want people to know what I intended to say even if I fumble in the communicating of it. Its a work in progress that is for sure. Language is a mystery. I struggle, lately, with myself about going on my mission and not having anyone understand me. Insecurities are shown. I know the words have power but the message I am proclaiming is much deeper than words. It will be felt. All I can do it try again.