cant express

Tonight I got the chance to sit back stage of CDT in Concert up here at college. I don't really know how to express or think I can express how much I love it. There is a feeling there. The sound of marley under bare feet, the rush of wind when one turns, the heat of the lights, the light trees you try not to hit exiting the stage, the music, the movement, the mood. I caught myself from crying I think 7 million times! Sitting back stage as compared to in the house audience is a completely different experience. Back there it just reminds you of these intense times. Extremely difficult, wonderful, funny times. I don't really know what I am saying. Dance for me was an outlet. One way I really felt I could express my feelings and be understood. (I tend to have a huge problem with communicating and it being understood the way I intended it) It was something I could completely indulge in. It engulfed me. I see dance as a place where others are allowed into my dreams. Not only mine but just a place to dream. A place to let your thoughts go. Rarely was I focused on the technical moves compared to the thoughts and feelings I experienced. Yes I will dance on but preforming and being sooooooo emotionally connected... it is just different. The girls with which you dance also, I feel, know you so well. You knew everything about eachother. I mean seriously when you were preforming and made eye contact you felt as though that other persons soul was seeping into you and visa versa. I can't write out how I feel. I feel regret maybe... but not regret. I feel happiness and sadness... Really I just miss it. Life goes on but man.... I never ever want to stop feeling how I do about dance. Its beautiful. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!